Zane's Sex Manuals

 

How To Make Love To A Woman - Mind and Body
By Zane
Copyright©1997, 1998
All Rights Reserved

Author of The Sex Chronicles: Shattering the Myth


Let me once again say that I do not profess to be the world's greatest lover or anything like that but I felt "How To Really Fuck A Man" deserved a counterpart manual and have had several requests for one, especially by men, which is a good thing because it shows that some of them are really concerned about pleasing their women. For that, I applaud them. Most men feel that being too sensitive is a turn-off to woman but they are so wrong. I would, like most women, give praise to any man who is sensitive and in-tune with his true feelings and can express them to his mate. 

Now is a good time to say a word about safe sex because I have gotten quite a few negative comments from people assuming that I am promoting unsafe sex, sex with multiple partners, sex without protection, etc. Let me say this right off the bat. People are gonna fuck whether I write about it or not. I don't believe in casual sex because meaningless sex is mad boring and, frankly in this day and age, not worth the risk. My stories are my fantasies and, while some of the things in them are indeed true events, I think making love with someone you care about is the SHHH Bomb Baby and the stories are written from a point of view of two people being in a relationship. People are adults and they make their own decisions. All I am saying is that sex can be good or bad; why not discuss it openly so it can ALL BE GOOD???

While this manual will talk about actual sex acts, the most sensual organ on a woman is her mind; make love to that and her body will follow. Therefore, I am going to cover that first, and most thoroughly, because it is, by far, the most important.

First of all, I have received a lot of email from both men and women asking why some women seem to be so uncomfortable dealing with the sex issue, especially when it comes to talking about or experimenting with new things like masturbation, oral and anal sex. My answer is always the same. 

When we are born, we all have a sex and even babies explore their sex organs. For example, when my daughter was two, she pointed to her chest and said, "My Tities!" At first, I was appalled and then I thought to myself that it was really cool. So I told her, "Yes, those are your tites!" My point is, "Why lie about it?"

The problem is most parents would have tried to repress her sexual discovery by saying that the word is inappropriate, telling her to never point there again or even spanking her. That is a major part of the problem with the women today.

As children, little girls are taught that certain things are taboo like touching themselves "there" and thinking nasty thoughts. Some parents even still tell their children that if they masturbate, they will go blind. So after years of being brainwashed into thinking that certain things are a no-no and a sin, why shouldn't people have sexual hang-ups? After all, most people respect and listen to their parents point-of-views before anyone else's. That is why it is so important that parents do talk about sex, drugs and all other vital issues with their kids instead of letting someone else do it. However, I feel they should do it the correct way and be honest about it. The sexual urges are going to come about, whether they like it or not, so they should tell their kids the truth and that's that. 

All I am trying to tell the men is, it took years for your lady to get certain things instilled in her brain so have patience, work with her and realize that it may not change overnight but it will be well worth the effort and the wait. Women are taught that "all men want is their body, when men get what they want, they won't respect you and men will only use you." 

Most women have not been provided access to the same healthy outlets for excitement-seeking as men, nor have they been invited, as men have, to digest all the stimulation they need and at whatever potency they need. When men talk vividly about sex, there are a man's man but when a woman does it, they are considered a freak. Why is that?

Often times, discussing your most intimate desires can be easier with a stranger than the one you love because you are so afraid they will get the wrong impression of you. And, I have to be honest, I know some men are guilty of making their woman feel that way. Because men have a tendency to think that they should be the first one to experience certain things with a woman and yet they are the first ones to brag about how many times they have done it in the past.

For example, I was dating a guy once and I asked him how many women he had slept with. He was fast to blurt out this ridiculously high number, boasting about it in fact. However, when I asked him did he want me to answer the same question, he said, "Hell Naw!" and he said that any number I could possibly tell him over "3" would be too high in his mind cause it was "different" for women.

Men, let me say this, women have a past too so get the hell over it and enjoy the fact that she knows what she is doing already. Why do you think so many men are obsessed with being with virgins??? Let me school you; virgins don't know shit about pleasing a man so why the obsession? Tight pussy? All pussy conforms back to normal size. Hell, big ass babies pop out of them, you follow? I think you all get my point. Make a woman feel comfortable about discussing her sexuality and, 9 out of 10 times, she will. Men tend to make us repress our sexual desires and, ironically, they are the ones who would benefit most from them. Lack of communication is the number one reason relationships fail even when masked with other excuses like money issues and infidelity. There can be no progress without discussion, that goes for in and out of the bedroom.

Speaking of infidelity, a brief word. I am not going to give a sermon on it cause it deserves a chapter all by itself and, in my upcoming book, it will probably get one. However, I would just like to tell the men two things. Number one, if you take the energy you exert going out and chasing other women's ass and put that same effort into the woman you have at home, your wife or girlfriend can be the best sexual affair you ever have because she loves you already. And number two, when you cheat on a woman, you do serious damage because she will never completely trust you again, you make it worse for the men who come into her life after you and it is any wonder she doesn't want to experiment with sex with you when she knows you out sticking your dick in other women's asses. Who wants to suck a dick that they know has been elsewhere the night before???? I mean, let's get real.

I do have to say a quick note to the women too though. No matter how many pies you bake, how much pampering you do and how neat and cozy a household you keep, men want their sexual needs met and, if you don't do it, someone else will. Have you ever noticed that when a man is single, no one wants his ass but the second he gets with you, hoochies appear out the clear blue sky wanting your man? It is a dog eat dog world out there which is my lover shall remain nameless

So people, don't take the easy way out cause it has the least rewards. Trickin and trampin never pays so talk to your mate. You would be surprised at how great it could be.

Now, on to what women DO and DO NOT WANT!!!!

Women do want you to:

1. Attend to the nonsexual aspects of your relationship. If a woman is not feeling good and comfortable about you or the relationship, the door to sex will be closed. Whether it is a new or developed relationship, make sure you are indeed relating.

2. Be there for her when you say you will be. Don't make dates and then break them, forget about plans and never take sex or business into the bedroom while you are being affectionate or sexual; that is a major turn off cause it makes the woman feel like she is not the center of your attention. Which means don't let your eyes keep roaming around the room as if you're searching for someone better either. I hate men who do that shit. :-)

3. Let her know how you feel about her. Pay her compliments cause some women in established relationships can't even remember the last time their man told them what he finds beautiful, striking, attractive, exciting or sexy about her. Dayum shame, I say.

4. Listen to her and take her words seriously, especially when she says no and when she requests a change in what you are doing. Many women feel they don't get listened to sexually (and generally) and it drives them crazy and, sometimes, even out the fucking door.

5. Learn to enjoy nonsexual touching and sensuality. Cuddle, bathe together, give foot and back rubs, wash and brush her hair. Women don't always want touching to lead to sex.

6. Be honest and do not misrepresent yourself. Lying in order to have sex comes from the childish idea of conquest. Don't say you can't have babies when you can, that you will use a condom when you won't, that you love her when you don't, that you are not married when you are and that you are disease free when you know your ass isn't. If you are not the right person for her, why not just accept that fact and move on?

7. Take responsibility and a woman will appreciate you all the more. It is as much your responsibility as hers to make sure the kids get in bed, to ensure privacy and to make sure she doesn't get pregnant. I am sick of sorry-ass men saying it is the woman's fault if she gets pregnant. What kind of fucking tree did they fall off of? A coconut tree most probably cause they have heads with nothing but liquid inside. Reality check men. HELLO!!!!!

8. Start slow and gentle and away from her pussy unless it is one of those rare clothes-ripping-off-got-to-have-your-ass-or-I-am-gonna-bust moments. Before you grab a woman's breasts or her pussy, kiss her in other places and arouse her. Men get hard when the wind blows but women need some stimulation to get their pussy wet. Which is the reason, by the way, that some women fake headaches at sex time. Cause they know good and dayum well by the time their man busts a quick nut in them, they will barely be sexually aroused, rather less able to have an orgasm themselves so why fuck in the first place?? So now you know the REAL HEADACHE!

9. Express yourself sexually. Even though men are supposed to be the big sex talkers, often times the only way your woman knows your ass came is cause you stop moving. So talk to us and tell us what turns you on. And I don't mean telling us that by relating how some woman in your past got your juices flowing either cause that is a big no-no.

10. Take rejections gracefully cause even bomb ass lovers get turned down from time to time. If she doesn't feel like it, so be it. Don't pout and shit. There will be other opportunities.

11. Take sex anyway she is willing to give it. If she doesn't want you to bend her into a pretzel that day, do it doggie style. If she doesn't want to swallow your cum, shoot that shit someplace else. She accepts it when you have those two-minute brother days so stay flexible and open to the possibilities.

12. Be adventurous and imaginative, suggest new ways and places. Ask her to fuck you in the backyard sometimes, in the shower, on the roof, in the car even if it is parked in the garage. Men are often guilty of the same thing they accuse women of; lack of imagination. Chances are, you make her aware that's what you want and she will reciprocate.

13. Confront problems, especially your own. If some aspect of sex is problematic, don't pretend it doesn't exist.

14. Be romantic every now and then. Most men are only romantic when they are trying to hook your ass and then, once they get settled into a relationship, you guys sit on the couch, drink beer, watch sports and pass gas. Remember to act like this is the first or second date once and awhile. Romance has more to do with the way you act than making fancy plans and buying things. Make a woman feel loved.

15. Last but definitely not fucking least and men, this is vital. Keep your ass awake after sex, at least some dayum time. SHEESH!!! Women want to hug, talk, stay connected in some way for at least a moment or two after fucking. Otherwise, she is likely to say, "He got what he wanted, now his ass ain't interested!" and that will surely lead to trouble. I know there is nothing worse than a man fucking me, then cumming and saying some shit like, "I could fall asleep just laying here inside you!" Don't no woman want a man, with a dangling ass condom inside of them, falling asleep two seconds after sex. Fuck all that!!!

Hell, I was going to do a women DON'T WANT list but I think I have covered enough with the DO WANT one. This is going to be longer than I thought and have to go onto two web pages. Much more detailed than "How To Really Fuck A Man" but, guess what? I am a WO-man so this is more my thang; talking about what a woman wants cause some of you men are straight up clueless. 


Now, let's get to the sex. And I will try to narrow this down cause I could talk about sex for dayz. 

Women need emotional stimulation, bottom fucking line and sometimes, (I know you men will hate this), when a woman is making love to you and you are not providing her with what she needs emotionally, she fantasizes that she is fucking someone else. That she is on an island with two men ravishing her, whatever. It is very important that you make a woman feel like she is the complete object of your desire cause some women have low self-esteem anyway.

For example, take the women on the talk shows who come on their ready to kill each other over a man who is fucking them both. I can't see how in the world those women could lie down with the man, rather less get sexual enjoyment out of being with him. But, that's my point, most women won't play that shit. You better make her ass feel like she is the one or you won't be getting none. Ya know?

As for the actual act of making love, women love to kiss because kissing on the mouth is the most intimate sex act of all. Which is why some prostitutes won't do it at all; it is so personal. But, when you kiss a woman, don't slobber all over her mouth, don't try to suck both of her lips into your mouth like you a fucking hoover vacuum and don't try to shove your tongue down her throat. Move your tongue in slow, circular motions. Men kill me when they move their tongues so fast, you think they are running in a race or something. Men can benefit greatly from the tongue exercises I covered in the "How To Really Fuck A Man" manual so do that shit.

Women love their nipples sucked. Hell, when a man sucks my nipples the right way and for a healthy period of time, my ass will cum like all hell and I am not alone. The problem is most men are in such a hurry to get to the coochie-coo, they don't pay our nipples enough attention. They suck each tit about 30 seconds and think they done. Fuck all that!!!! You need to give the woman at least a good ten minutes of nipple concentration.
And don't just suck on her nipples, lick up underneath her breasts and suckle on the whole thing. Take both breasts your hands and suck on both nipples at the same time; drives a woman crazy and makes her feel so desired. A word to the ladies though, if you planning on having sex, don't put powder all over your breasts. I understand those with big breastesses wear powder at times to keep them bad boys from sweating, especially in summer, but men don't want to have to ingest powder either off the breasts or the pussy when they do down on you.

Now, let's do a brief overview of eating the pussy. Yes, eating pussy. For those men who still only go downtown only to window shop, I have a revelation for you. Unless you start making some purchases while you are there, your lady might find a frequent buyer someplace else. While being caressed with the hands and fingers is a great turn on also, there is nothing like a man eating your pussy good.

But.... there are a few things I should say to those men who think they belong in the Pussy Eater's Hall of Fame but really belong in the visitor's line to get in and see the pictures of the ones who are really in there. A woman's clit is very sensitive and can't take a great deal of direct stimulation. You should concentrate more on the areas around the clit and never try to shove your tongue all the way in her pussy and, for goodness sake, never bite on the clit. Chances are, if you are doing that, the times you think a woman is trying to pull away from you cause the pleasure is too much for her and you grab for her and tell her to "give you your pussy back", her ass is pulling away cause that shit hurts.

Also, when you are eating a woman's pussy, use your hands to caress her breasts. In fact, use one hand to caress her breasts and finger her ass with the other. You would be surprised how many women experience a feeling of loneliness while a man is eating them out. You have your head buried between her legs and she is staring at the ceiling. Some more sexually-open women, those who masturbate and I can't stress the benefits of that enough :-), take the initiative and fondle their own breasts but they shouldn't have to. So use all available hands and get busy with more than just your tongue.

I am gonna make this short cause this is making me horny. 
As for the actual sex itself, here is the nitty gritty.

Most men have the misconception that women feel the bigger the dick, the greater the pleasure. Ummm, naw. While I will be the first one to admit that looking at big dicks can be sexually arousing just like big breasts on a woman sexually arouse men, I am not fucking a man with an abnormal size dick and most women I know would agree. Just like breasts, more than a mouthful is a waste and there is no way in hell a normal woman can deep throat a long ass, thick dick and riding one or having it inside you can be extremely painful.

I like men with normal size dicks. What is normal? I would say a good size is anywhere from 7-10 inches. Personally, if I had to choose, I would pick thickness over length and I will tell you why. Only the first few inches of a woman's vagina is extremely sensitive and so that is why many woman can achieve orgasms better when men hit the walls instead of trying to get their dick all the way up in her stomach. I like a man to slowly grind his dick in me instead of pumping it into me like I am a gas tank. I also prefer to ride a dick slowly instead of riding a dick like it is a pogo stick. I do love it doggie style but not for the reasons one might suspect. While it does allow the dick to go further inside of a woman, the biggest benefit to having sex in the doggie style position is that it allows the woman more freedom of movement. When we are pinned up underneath a man with our ankles over our head, it is mighty hard to participate. While you men are so-called "knocking the bottom out", we are feeling like the losing contestant in a wrestling match. It feels so much better to be able to guide some of the movement ourselves.

As for oral sex, I agree that women should at least try sucking dick cause the shit it the bomb :-) However, just like anal sex, if a woman is not ready for it emotionally, the shit ain't happening. But, when she is ready, let her do her own thing. Don't stand there and shove your dick in and out her mouth; let her control the rhythm and the pace. Sometimes a woman just wants to savor a dick and lick it all over instead of having it pounded in and out of her mouth. So take heed to my words cause if you persist on doing it your way, her ass may not be so willing next time. I already discussed the swallowing issue so no need to go there except to say if she doesn't want to, just like everything else, that is her prerogative.

On to anal sex; not all women are gonna do it, pure and simple. That is still considered a serious taboo and most women think it will hurt so bad, they refuse to even try it. Then there are the contradictions. Men talk trash about homosexuals fucking each other in the ass but then they want to turn around and fuck their women in the ass. Confusing huh? You may be able to solve the problem by doing what I said earlier, COMMUNICATING.

However, if a woman is willing to have anal sex, make sure you let her guide your dick in and make sure you use a good lubricant and a condom. Hell, use a condom period. But, don't try to systematically shove your dick in her ass all at once. Remember that you are not the one on the receiving end of that bad boy so let her control the motions. Some women prefer to be flat on their stomach, some prefer to be in the doggie style position and some prefer to lie on the side. But, after discussing anal sex with some of my fellow sisters who are anal retentive like myself, the consensus is that anal sex is most pleasurable with the woman's legs on the man's shoulders, in the missionary position so to speak, because it allows for more clitoral and vaginal stimulation.

I am gonna end this now but I will be writing much more on this some other time, by saying that the worst mistake men make during love making is wanting to receive more than they are willing to give. There are some men who are still only concerned with their own pleasure and they are the worst lovers on earth in my view. If I run into a man like that, who wants me to do this and that to him and offers little or nothing in return, his ass doesn't have to worry about seeing my ass again nor many of my fellow sisters in pursuit of the ultimate sexual satisfaction. Men who want to suck a woman's nipples for ten seconds and then expect her to suck his dick till he cums are not high commodities in this world. Nor are two-minute brothers but sometimes that can't be helped.

Although, for those men having trouble sustaining an erection, I do have a suggestion. Baby Orajel and I am dead serious. The numbing effect allows for decreased levels of sensitivity in the male, Thus allowing sustained performance for those who are overly sensitive and easily stimulated....There is also a very expensive root found in Chinese stores called Yohimbe that is great for sustaining an erection.

Hmm, other than that all I can say is adventure and variety are the spice of life. Drink some warm tea being eating a woman out and let it trickle down to her ass. Use a Flintstone Push-Up Ice Cream bar and stick in her vagina and then let her watch you lick her pussy off of it. Put some Ben Wa balls in the freezer and then insert them in her and fuck her with them inside her. Be experimental with ice, whipped cream, honey, all the usual stuff. And, by all means, suck her toes and her ass; she will cum from the mere thought of you. :-) As for other ideas, you will just have to wait and read them in my stories. I don't want to give all my secrets away just yet, dayum!

A final note to the brothers: "A WOMAN IS ONLY AS GOOD OR BAD IN BED AS THE MAN WHO MOTIVATES HER!!!!!! SO, IF YOUR WOMAN IS JUST LYING THERE LIKE A RAG DOLL, BUT YOU KNOW SHE REALLY HAS THE BOMB ASS PUSSY, ASK HER WHAT IS WRONG. C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E!!!!!!!"

Peace Be To The Real and as usual, any questions or comments, good or bad, email me at zane@eroticanoir.com