Zane's Erotica Noir eMonthly

February 2001

BlackGentlemen.com has gone live.  Come on over and visit my new site at http://www.blackgentlemen.com  I am still looking for bachelors as well as for positive African-American males to showcase on BlackGentlemen.com.  Please spread the word about the site.  If you would like to join the mailing list for BlackGentlemen.com, please send a blank email to BlackGentlemen-subscribe@topica.com 

Thanks to everyone for your continuous support of my books Addicted and The Sex Chronicles: Shattering the Myth.  My third book, Shame On It All, will be out in April 2001.  I will also be featured in Herotica 7 published by Down There Press later this year.

ZANE'S EROTICA NOIR: THE ANTHOLOGIES  I am slowly but surely getting through the submissions for the anthologies.  Please be patient with me and I will try to respond within the next two weeks.  The amount of submissions was overwhelming so I am a bit backed up but I will respond.  I also apologize to anyone that has sent me advice questions recently but I promise I will respond this week.  Thanks, Zane

JOKES

1. TEETH DOWN THERE

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is waiting right outside of the ladies dressing room for his Mom to come out.

While waiting, the little boy gets bored and just when his Mom comes walking out she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt. "Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten!

For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs. 

When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action.

After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.

"Hell no," he cries, "you've got teeth down there!"

"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no teeth down there."

"Yes, there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."

"No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself."

With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek."

"No, I'm sorry", he says. "My Mom already told me that ALL women have teeth down there."

"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head, and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."

The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, with the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!"

2. THE TEETH

The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get restless. Again you could tell what they were thinking. "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of
them."

As the man began to eat his French fries one young man stood and came over to the old couple's table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple to eat. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat.

This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer. Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady. "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What
is it that you are waiting for?" 

She answered..."The teeth."

3. THE CONVICT

An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck.

Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!. Be strong and I love you."

After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck....He was
whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too."

4. BEWARE OF OLD LADIES

Defense Attorney: What is your age?
 
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
 
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
 
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
 
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
 
Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
 
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?
 
Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
 
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
 
Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
 
Defense Attorney: Why not?
 
Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
 
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
 
Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts..
 
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
 
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
 
Defense Attorney: Why not?
 
Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
 
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
 
Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"
 
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
 
Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, "April Fool!"  And that's when I shot the son of a bitch!

5. VACATION BLUES

Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again."

Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Marie with me.

ANYWHERE BY ECUTIEPIE

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED BY AUTHOR

Geez! It was early February but the temperature felt like late July. As I walked towards my car, I could feel my natural drooping under New Orleans' overbearing humidity. This was definitely going to be my last year celebrating Mardi Gras. 

Well, maybe I am just talking shit. I mean, there is actually no way to escape it. When you live in a city where the governmental offices, schools, banks, and pretty much every other job shut down to celebrate carnival, you couldn't really avoid it. It seemed like the minute Lent was over, preparations for next year's Mardi Gras began. 

I was raised a good Catholic girl who went to good Catholic schools and Fat Tuesday and the weeks surrounding it seemed to be the thing that life in the city revolved around. My parents had faithfully attended every Zulu ball since I was a wee tot and were said to be members of the all Black, secretive Krewe. Year after year after year, I watched them and millions of other adults go absolutely nuts over beads, dubloons, and the famed Zulu coconuts. Several years in a row, I was forced to actively participate in the pagent and ride on the floats. While millions of people stood on the streets and yelled from the tops of buildings, begging for trinkets, I used to sit back and watch all that was going on around me. Over and over again, I would swear that as soon as I was old enough to make my own decisions, I was going to drop the whole Mardi Gras rigamarole and live like a normal person. 

Once again, I was talking shit. Here I was, a grown, independent twenty five year old walking towards my car after yet another Zulu ball. I wouldn't lie, it was great. Everyone from Branford and Wynton Marsailis to the mayors of several cities were there partaking in the madness. It gave me a chance to rub elbows with the cream of Chocolate from around the city and the US but I was really growing weary of all the glitz.

"They really topped last year, didn't they?" a masked figure asked while its large hands unlocked the door of a cherry red Audi. "I wonder if the Krewe of Bacchus went this far out."

Catching my breath, I nodded in agreement as I held one gloved hand up to my heart. Boy had he scared me! I mean, I didn't exactly live in the safest city in the world and here I was, in a nearly deserted parking tower talking to a total stranger.

"Bacchus, Endymion...they all spend literal millions but there has never been nor will never be a Krewe like Zulu," I said as I fingered my key ring. "Well it was nice chatting, but I have to run." 

"Mmmhmmm...I see," the masked figure said. Standing inside the open car door, he propped one tuxedoed leg inside the car and got comfortable.

"You see what?" I asked as I pointed my keyless remote at my car and took a step closer to it.

"I see that you are in such a hurry to go home, talk to your cat, or is it a dog, and eat your way through a pint or so of ice cream," he said a little too caustically for my tastes.

"Excuse me but who the fuck are you," I said as I peeled off the silk mask covering my face and flinging it to the ground with anger. " I didn't ask you to tell me a damn thing. I was minding my business and going to my car when you, the alleged fucking psychic predicted that I would go home and melt into melancholy monotony. I don't know who the fuck you are but you don't know a fucking thing about me."

"My, the princess sounds more like a mechanic," he chuckled as he walked around to the back of my car and read my license plate. Right then and there, I regretted ever apply for a tag that said PRINCSS. People always had jokes about it.

"So just because I am fat, you think that I spend every night alone, playing with pets for company and eating through the ass end of my kitchen?"

"I didn't say that...in fact, I don't think you're fat. But my what a big ass you have 
Grandma," he joked.

"The better for you to kiss it, my dear," I said as I reached inside my car for a Camel.

"Hmm..you smoke, you drink, and it's quite obvious that take to food with a gusto," he said as he walked up and removed the cup that I had carried out of the Ball. Sniffing it, he gave me a smile. "Bloody Mary...Stolli and extra Tabasco sauce."

"I am impressed," I admitted while I puffed away. "Most men don't know Vodka from gin from the hole in their asses so I am impressed that you recognize the brand."

"You know those things will kill you," he said as he shook out a Camel from the pack I had just set down. Motioning for my lighter, he lit it and took a long drag. "And I am a closet smoker so sooner or later they'll kill me too."

"Yeah..they will," I said, flicking ashes.

"But you know, decadent women who indulge in excesses are normally whores in bed," he said with a very serious look on his face. 

"Yes, I am aware of that. But what does that have to do with the price of rice in China?" I asked flippantly.

"So, are you heading in?"

"I had planned to. I have a Tabby and a quart of Haagen Daaz that are just dying for me to come home," I said.

"May I come along?" he asked frankly.

"Wait, you want to come home with me? A man who approached me in a dark parking tower with a mask on? Are you fucking serious?"

"I am Derrique," he said as he removed the mask and extended his hand.

"Nice to meet you Derrique," I said as I shook his hand after stubbing out my cigarette.

"But you still could be the axe murderer."

"Hmmm..I am dangerous and dirty but I am not that bad...hmm..on the other hand, I could be worse," he said.

"Now what can be worse than an axe murderer," I questioned.

"I am a lawyer," he said with a straight look on his face.

My face dropped at least five miles in five seconds. I was a lawyer.

"So am I," I replied without even the slightest hint of a smile. "I am permanently retained by Crescent City Casualty. I have great respect for other lawyers. Well all others except fucking ambulance chasers. The whiplash watchers. They are the ones who cause rates to skyrocket. I spend day in and day out protecting my company's interests. Anyway, I am starting to ramble. Enough about me, what is your specialty?"

"I am a personal injury and criminal law attorney," he said with a huge grin.

II.

Well I'll be damned...I though as I pulled the hunter green and yellow striped Polo shirt over my head. I am going to a parade. Not only am I going to a parade but I am going with a fucking ambulance chaser. I wonder if he'll encourage me to sue for getting hit with candy and parade throws?

Pulling on a few row of beads, I spritzed myself with Happy and jumped in my car. I was meeting him downtown, near the parade route. If this turned out to be a horrible evening, at least I'll still get my parking validated. Anyway, how complicated can a simple parade date get?

III.

"Show us those tits!" a masked Caucasian Krewe of Rex member shouted through a megaphone as he held up a glittering row of beads.

"Hey!! Throw me something Mister!" At least a hundred women screamed in unison while pulling up their shirts and exposing their bare breasts, vying for the beads. New Orleans had to be the only place in the world where daughters, mothers, and even grandmothers were willing to show skin in order to get some simple plastic baubles. 

Reaching out, I opened my hands and caught the beads that the reveler threw from the float.

"Whew! I feel dizzy," I shouted to Derrique as I added the beads to the large assortment around my neck. It seemed like a thousand men were screaming and giving me wolf whistles at once. Situating my breasts back into my Triple D cupped bra, I reached over and took my Hurricane from Derrique.

"I can't believe you just showed a thousand people your tits," he said as the look of shock froze his face.

"At least I had the biggest ones, or so he thought." I said as I motioned towards the float that was making it's way down Bourbon street. "Let's go get another hurricane."

"I think that you've had one too many," he said with a chuckle. 

"Do you still respect me?" I asked with sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"Of course I do..you'll never see most of these people again and besides, everyone goes crazy on Fat Tuesday," he said as we approached Canal street. 

IV.

"Whew! I need to rest," I said as I kicked off my Kenneth Coles and plopped on a bench near a statue in Jackson Square. I was tipsy and a wee bit tired.

"Do you remember where we parked," Derrique asked with a hint of concern in his voice. 

"Sure I do," I replied as I stood. I didn't need a bigger hint that he was ready to go. 

The past few hours hadn't been bad at all. Derrique was truly a cool person. Being dark cocoa with snow white teeth and a body like a young Jim Brown didn't hurt either. 
Walking side by side down towards the French Quarter, he reached out to grab my hand placing the other on the small of my back. I had had more drinks than I remembered. As we neared the Quarter, we passed the crowded police precinct. 

Hundreds of arrests were made each day of the Mardi Gras season. Some people just never learned that just because you could get away with being publicly intoxicated and nearly naked, that you could also get away with crime and murder.

"I'll be right back," Derrick said as he let go of my hand and slipped a business card holder out of his pocket. Walking up to several patrons that appeared to be bruised and battered by the police, he discreetly handed out cards and uttered words of encouragement. Walking back towards me, he gave me a lopsided grin. I had to give it to the man, he had ambition. Now whether or not it was honest ambition wasn't a factor but he definitely had it. 

We stood for a while on the sidewalk across from the police station and watched as loads and loads of people where brought in to be processed. The crimes ranged from theft to discharge of a firearm to performing oral sex in public. It was wild. After a while, he let out a loud yawn. Taking my hand, we strolled along and made plans to see each other the following week. 

V.

The loud blast of sirens signaled the beginning of yet another parade. Finding a spot on the crowded sidewalk, we stood and watched as the first float went by. Glancing sideways at Derrique, I admired his dark, stony profile. He was handsome in a sculpted kind of way. His fade was brushed into a type of Caesar style. Although it was very short, it was refreshing to see after being bombarded by a city of bald men. And he was no fool either. During the course of the day, I had learned that he had breezed through Loyola and his practice was extremely successful. And to top it off, his Casual Friday cologne was burning a delicious hole in the tip of my nose. I don't know if it was because of that last hurricane that I gulped down or sheer horniness but if there wasn't so many people and the police station wasn't right across the street, I would lay his sexy ass down on the asphalt and.........

"What are you looking at," he asked me in a serious tone.

Reaching out for his hand, I led him into a tiny alleyway. 

"What the fu......," he asked as I sank to my knees.

Sliding down his zipper, I kneeled in front of him and took his rock solid erection into my mouth. Cupping his balls with my hands, I licked and sucked as the noisy crowd cheered and jeered and the masked figures on the float. I could feel myself getting wet as I thought about the fact that the police station was just across the street. Louisiana was still under Napoleonic law which meant that anything but the missionary position was technically illegal. It gave me such a rush to think that we both could be arrested and possibly even disbarred if we were caught. The gravel of the alleyway dug into my knees as he grabbed onto my wild natural hair and let out a guttural moan. 

While I used my tongue and lips to take him to heaven and back, the cool evening breeze assaulted my sense. It gave me relief from the sticky feel of the humidity and motivated me to take even more of his cock into my mouth. Moving my lips around, I took both of his balls inside my warm, melting mouth and juggled them around against my tongue. Grabbing yet another handful of my hair, he jerked my head upwards and began moaning even louder. The silvery full moon splashed an indigo hue over everything as I admired his blue black body.

Just when I thought he was about to climax, he jerked my head up and motioned for me to stand up. Wobbling to my feet, I dusted off my filthy knees and looked over at him. Ripping open a Trojan package, he slid it on and bent me over facing the street. My mind was blown. Gripping onto an empty cardboard box, I felt the pressure as he pushed his hard, black cock into my tight, wet, waiting love hole.

Within a split second he was banging away as I tried to open my eyes and watch the wild crowd just a fifteen feet away. Pulling his dick completely out, I let out a small sigh right before he rammed it back in. He was fucking me like he was getting paid to do it. I could feel myself climbing higher and higher as my juices dripped down my thighs. Pounding against me harder and harder, my peak came closer and closer as I heard him moan louder and louder. In no time at all, we were both coming like the world was about to end. It lasted forever as our bodies shivered from the powerful orgasm. It took everything that I had in me not to tumble to the ground. We were both breathing like animals and neither of us had enough strength to pull away.

"What the hell is going on," a husky male voice asked as a flashlight beam hit me directly in my face. 

Squinting from the glare, I could make out a star shaped badge and a police issue flashlight. I was so lost in paradise that I truly didn't know how long the person behind the flashlight had been watching us. After focusing for a few moments, I could make out a brawny tan face.

"Fuck, we're going to jail," Derrique whispered behind me.

Like I didn't fucking know! Although I was still flying from that wonderful orgasm, I was as scared as hell. My name would be in the paper, my colleagues would know about this...I was ruined!

"Miss Spell," the police officer said over the noise of the parade as he came closer. 
Oh shit! He knew who I was...double whammy! I thought.

"Now Miss Spell, I know that you know better than this," he said with a chuckled. Staring at him, I realized that he was Jonqui, a young NOPD officer who did extra detail work at my office building in order to support his young family. We always exchanged pleasantries and were extra cordial to eachother. Maybe I wasn;t going to jail but I was definitely not going to be able to show my face at work ever again. 

"I don't know what came over me," I said as Derrique and I scrambled to put our clothes on.

"Neither do I but I always knew you were a hot one undercover," Jonqui said with a smile. "Anyone could've caught you," he said in a more serious tone.

"I'm sorry man..I really do apologize," Derrique said as he pulled up his zipper and reached out for my hand. "Don't take us in..if you ever need a favor, I'm good for it," he said as he handed him one of those damned omni-present business cards. 

"No bother, I enjoyed the show," Jonqui said with a mischievous and lascivious smile on his face as he pocketed the card.

"Thanks man...we're outta here," Derrique said as he grabbed my hand and led me out of the alley and towards the crowd.

"Oh..and Miss Spell?" I heard Jonqui say.

"Yes," I said in a business like tone as I turned back towards him.

"Next year," he chuckled. "Get a room."

A NIGHT AT THE MOVIES BY ZANE

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

August 7, 2000

Sistas are always complaining about PMS, yeast infections, and bloating. All of those are child's play compared to PID. That's right. PID. Pussy in Distress. I know there has never been a technical term for it. Most sistas just say that are downright horny. To me, PID makes it sound more official. What is PID, you ask? PID is when you can't think straight, you feel totally sapped of energy, and your second pair of lips seem to be throbbing faster than your heart.

So there I was with PID on a terribly humid August night. Yes, I had a man but he was ghost as usual. JayQuan had been canceling date after date for about a month and I was beginning to grow a bit suspicious. Scratch that! I was extremely suspicious. I'm not saying he was a manwhore like the men from Deuce Bigalow when I met him, but he was surely knocking on whoredom's door. That is, until I gave him a good puddy whipping and tamed him down a notch or two. Just like every lifelong pooch though, he was destined to start chasing after other fire engines sooner or later.

My sixth sense, Maxine's Doggie Radar, was beginning to send off the FR signal. I always recognize the FR (Flight Risk) symptoms. Five phone calls a day telling you how much he adores the ground you walk on dropping down to one obligatory call AKA booty call every three or four days. Instead of being pleasantly surprised by a dozen roses being delivered to your office, he starts bringing his funky drawers over to your place for you to wash because he thinks he has you wrapped around his little finger. Refusing to answer the phone whenever you're over his place. Oh, and don't let you make a move for the phone. He'll pull an Emmitt Smith on your behind and run a NFL play on you, jumping over the back of the couch and knocking you out of the way to get to it first. JayQuan was doing all of the above and I didn't like it one bit.

That's why I decided there was absolutely no way I was missing the new horror movie Hollow Man. I'd been waiting for that bad boy to come out for more than a year, hearing tale of all the special effects and watching the HBO documentary about how it was made. I was determined to see it the day it came out in the local theaters no matter what. When JayQuan called with yet another excuse why he couldn't keep our date, I told him to go on about his business and I'd catch him the next day. Frankly, I was thinking it was about time to take his Doberman pincher behind to the kennel and have him put to sleep. It was time for me to move on because I had no intention of sitting around waiting for him to dump me. I don't participate in that game because if I can't win, I don't want to play.

I called around to see who was home. I was even more pissed off when I discovered most of my girlfriends had dates for that night to go see what else, Hollow Man. A couple of them offered to let me tag along but being a third wheel was never my thing. I've never liked cock-blockers and didn't have any inclination to become one, not even for a few hours. I grabbed the weekend section out of my Washington Post right quick and checked out the showtimes. There was a show starting in less than thirty minutes a few miles from my apartment. I threw on a spaghetti strap indigo dress, slid my feet into a pair of black sandals, and ran out the door, taking the three flights of stairs down to the parking lot two at a time.

I got into my car, Tank, and started warming it up. I call my 1984 Nissan Stanza Tank because it uses a tank of gas to get me to and from work every day. Eventually, I'll get a new ride but right now making rent is top priority and my roommate, Angie, ran off with some Rastafarian from the Bronx that told her she reminded him of an ancient Egyptian queen. Now she goes by the name of Empress Heaven d'Honey and works in a reggae club as a topless dancer. Yeah, she's some queen all right.

Tank finally got warmed up and I took off, jumping the curb to get out into the Friday work traffic before the light changed and 50-11 cars came plummeting toward me. I got to the theater in record time, in less than ten minutes, but my face immediately frowned up when I saw the line for tickets. There had to be at least thirty-five people in line and only one ticket window open. How trifling can you get!

I noticed a brother close to the front of the line that appeared to be alone. He was easy to spot because he was tall, chocolately, and looked like the words F-U-C-K-M-E spelled out. He had on a pair of neatly ironed jeans and a white oxford. I tend to notice fine men but when PID is working on my insides, I notice them even more. I took a quick survey of the people standing to the side and couldn't picture him belonging to any of them, so I decided to be my usual bold self and make a daring move.

I walked right up to him, cut in the line, and intertwined my arm through his. "Hey baby, sorry I'm late," I said seductively and loud enough for everyone to hear.

He stared down at me. Damn, damn, damn! His eyes were a charcoal gray and more mesmerizing than D'Angelo's chest in his Untitled music video. He grinned at me, flashing this cinematic smile that made me wonder why people weren't lined up to see him on the silver screen. "It's no problem," he replied in a voice deep enough to make me give up the panties right then and there. There is something about a man with a deep voice that makes my kitty kat purr like those cats in those Meow cat food commercials. On top of that, he had on some CK cologne, my favorite on a man. Before I knew it, we were in the front of the line and the young girl behind the window wanted to know what movie we were going to see. I immediately blurted out, "Hollow Man."

Sexy cleared his throat. "Yes, can I have two for Hollow Man?" I tried to hand him the ten-dollar bill I had crumpled in my free hand but he refused it. "It's okay. I've got this one, sweetheart. You can pay next time." He paid for both tickets and handed me one. I blushed, wondering if there really would be a next time and completely forgetting about JayQuan's shady behind.

Once we got inside the theater, I halfway came to my senses. I tried to get him to take the money once again. "Look, I really appreciate you letting me jump the line but I don't want to impose. Just keep the entire ten and enjoy the movie."

I started to walk away, getting in the line for the concession stand. I didn't want to be late for the movie but I knew that particular theater showed about ten minutes of previews and I couldn't sit through any movie without popcorn and a little sumptin' sumptin' to wash it down with. I was digging through my purse for another bill when I felt someone breathing down the nape of my neck. I recognized the cologne and started blushing all over again.

I didn't turn around when he whispered in my ear. "Now that's not fair. Ditching me before we even get inside and find a seat."

I giggled but kept my eyes straight ahead. I was afraid to look at him for fear of tonguing him down right there in the lobby. "Are you asking me to be your date?"

He ran the fingertips of his left hand over my bare shoulder and it felt fantastic. Just that little touch worked wonders for my PID. "Only if you're not planning to embarrass me by saying no."

He came closer and his dick rubbed up against my ass. I'm not sure if it was intentional or whether he was pressed into closer quarters because of the increasingly longer line behind us. The woman in front of us, with five kids all anxious and hyped up about seeing the new Eddie Murphy movie on one of the other screens, was taking forever to order kiddie meals and boxes of candy. I was growing a bit impatient with her but Sexy's dick stimulating my rear end didn't hurt matters any. It wasn't rock hard but even in a semi-erect state, it showed a world of promise.

I moved back on it and started gyrating my hips a little. Okay, okay, I was acting like a chickenhead, a slut, a hoochie but damn it felt good. "Sure you can be my date," I answered, turning my neck so I could see him. He gave me that helluva grin again. "By the way, I'm Maxine," I announced. For five seconds, I had debated about using a fake name but opted against it in case something real came out of what I was about to do. You see, at that point I had already made up my mind that I was going to fuck the brother before I climbed back into Tank that night. Either that, or take him home with me and ride him all night long.

"I'm Orlando." He put his hands around my waist and we started swaying back and forth, looking like long-term lovers having trouble keeping their hands off of each other. "It's a pleasure to meet you Maxine."

"The pleasure's all mine," I replied as the woman in front of us finally went on her way. The kids all looked happy but she looked stressed the hell out. The same way my sister looks whenever she takes my twin nephews on an outing.

I ordered my popcorn and Coke and insisted on paying for Orlando's Sprite and box of red hots since he sprung for my ticket. We gave the usher our tickets and located theater nine. It was packed, leaving us with two options: the front row or the two seats in the back set off by themselves and reserved for the handicapped. It was pitch-black back there and the only reason we could even make the seats out was because people were still entering. There was no hesitation in my mind that we should sit in the back. I had major plans.

The previews were on as we got settled in. Orlando's long right leg was pressing against my thigh so I decided to feel it up and see how muscular it was. Just as I suspected, the brother had been hitting somebody's gym with a vengeance. He decided to return the favor and felt my thigh, making me instantly wet.

The opening credits started and I leaned over to whisper in his ear. "If I get scared, will you protect me?"

I could see his pearly whites, even in the dark. "Certainly. You want to sit on my lap?"

We both laughed. "Not right now, but maybe a little later." I got really bold then and stuck the tip of my tongue in his ear, darting it in and out quickly like swiping a card in an ATM machine. Even his inner ear was delectable and that did it for me. "There is something I would like to do right about now though."

He ran his fingers down the center of my breastbone and rubbed one of my nipples through the thin fabric of my dress. It grew hard enough to cut diamonds. If a man can play with my nipples just right, I'm his for the taking. Of course, fucking Orlando had already been predetermined before he went anywhere near my nipple.

"Can I have one of your red hots?" I asked him, a light bulb going off in my head.

He took me by the chin and slipped me his tongue, which I gratefully accepted. His tongue was thick and warm and his kiss was powerful yet passionate. You can always tell a lot about a man from his kisses. If he is rough, he will be rough in bed. If he is selfish, just giving you a little peck and thinking that amounts to foreplay, then he will be selfish in bed. But if he is passionate, then he will give you some toe-curling action in bed.

He handed me the box of candy. "You can have whatever you want and I mean that literally."

I took the box and starting ripping the lid open. "And I'll take you up on your offer literally."

I put three red hots in my mouth, immediately feeling the heat trickle down my throat, and got down on my knees between his legs. Luckily, there were no seats for about eight feet in front of us and the people occupying them were totally caught up in the film just as I had planned to be. I would just have to catch the special effects later. I was about to make some special effects of my own.

I undid the zipper on his jeans and dug inside for the pot of gold. It wasn't golden but it was long and sleek like a Jaguar convertible and just as enticing. I wasted no time licking around the head like it was a cone of Edy's Cookie Dough ice cream. Orlando flinched. Red hots, Altoids and mouthwash will do it every time.

After dipping my tongue into his slit, I made my way down the backside of his shaft, distributing kisses all over to let him know how much I wanted to please him. In fact, I looked up into his eyes and told him. "I want to please you."

He was speechless as I grabbed the base of his dick with one hand, caressing his balls through his jeans with the other, and starting taking him deep, inch by inch until I had to relax my tonsils in order to take him all in. I could tell he was trying to keep his moans to a library voice level. A couple of good ones did escape his lips when he came in my mouth about ten minutes later. The red hots weren't completely dissolved but I could still tell he was sweet. That meant he was eating right because a man's taste is directly related to his nutritional intake. If you don't believe me, feed a brother a Tex-Mex meal and go down on him. I guarantee you'll come up with refried beans breath.

I sat back down in the seat beside Orlando while he tried to regain some composure, wondering if he planned to return the favor. Boy, did he! After a five-minute breather, Orlando pulled me up out of the chair and led me to the back wall of the theater, taking his Coke and the box of red hots with us. I didn't put up any objections when he lowered the straps of my dress, letting my breasts dangle freely. He took the lid off of his cup, took out a piece of ice, put it in his mouth, and started sucking my nipples. First, one at a time and then both of them together, pushing them inward with his strong hands.

I ran my fingers through his black, silky hair, glancing at the scene for a moment and seeing a gorilla appear out of nowhere on a hospital gurney. Mad cool, I thought to myself but this breast-sucking action is a whole lot better.

Orlando made his way down to my belly button, lifting the bottom of my dress up so he could get to it. I had to curtail a laugh because I'm extremely ticklish and the ice cube in his mouth felt like something out of one of my wet dreams. He started pulling my white cotton panties down over my hips and I slid out of my sandals so he could get them off easily. I thought he was going for another cube of ice but he went for the box of red hots instead.

"Let me please you," he whispered as he lifted my left leg and placed it on his shoulder, lapping at my pussy lips in a fashion I had never experienced before. He buried his nose and mouth into my center and I threw my head back in ecstasy, my toes curled up against his back.

"This is so crazy," I said to no one in particular. I was becoming delirious at the fact that I was letting a stranger suck all up on my thing in a crowded movie theater.

Orlando ate me out for a good long time and I enjoyed every second of it. The brother didn't just have skills. He had skillz with a Z, meaning he worked some magic with his tongue.

I came in his mouth and before I could take a single restorative breath, he had stood up, lifted me up against the wall, and invaded my sugary walls with his splendid dick. I wrapped my legs around his back, my arms around his shoulders, and settled in comfortably for the ride. He gave me his tongue again, which was a good thing because it helped to stifle my moans. I could feel his ball sack jiggling up and down against the bottom of my thighs as he picked up speed and caught a rhythm. Someone started screaming on the movie screen and I couldn't take it any more. I broke our kiss and let out a scream of my own. I don't know for sure if someone heard me and turned around to be nosy. I really didn't care at that point.

One scream led to another and the sex was so good that I dug my teeth into Orlando's neck and gave him what was sure to turn out to be one big ass hickey. That must have set off something in him. A moment later, I felt him explode inside of me. My own cum was trickling down my inner thighs onto the dark carpet.

Orlando stood there, holding me against the wall for a little while, both of us marveling at the events that had just taken place. All I could think about was taking him home with me, laying him down in my king-size waterbed and riding him atop the waves for the rest of the weekend.

That's exactly what I did too. I asked him to come home with me. We didn't even stay for the rest of the movie. Once you miss the beginning, it's all water under the bridge anyway and besides, Orlando promised to bring me back to see it the next day. We didn't make it to the theater the next day. We were still going at each other hard at my place.

JayQuan came over unannounced, banging on my door like he owned the joint. I didn't even answer. I told Orlando the truth, that I had been seeing someone but things had long fizzled out and I needed a man whose wants and desires mirrored my own. That's when we sat down and had a long talk on my balcony over a fruit salad and a bottle of sparkling apple cider, listening to Jazz music pump out of the stereo in my living room. As it turned out, Orlando and I have quite a lot in common. Everything from our taste in music, clothes, foods and even our taste in cultural activities. More than that, I feel like I finally found a man that can stay around for the long haul. Sure, we didn't met under the most romantic of circumstances but he has made up for that over and over again during the past six months. Who knows what the future holds? All I know is that a night at the movies turned out to bring me many nights of pleasure and any way you size that one up, everything comes up roses.