Zane's Erotica Noir eMonthly
April 2000

Please email me at zane@eroticanoir.com if you wish to be added or removed from my list. Please, please, please make sure that you are on my list before you ask to be removed. Ironically, the only people that ever email me asking to be removed are not even on there. 

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Announcements

Jokes

15 MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE IN BED

FEMALE ORGASMS

THE G-SPOT-WHERE THE HELL IS IT?

What is Semen?-FAQ

Cum For Me Boo By Zane

Announcements

Welcome to the April 2000 edition of Zane's Erotica Noir.  Before I begin, I would like to apologize to anyone that emailed me over the past month and did not receive a reply.  I had a problem with my outgoing mail server and did not realize it until I tried to forward an email to my AOL account.  With that said, if you wrote me about ANYTHING since my last issue went out, including advice, and did not receive a response, please email me again.  I did respond to every single email as always.  Some people got them.  Some didn't.  I send the newsletter out with a different program than I use for my regular mail.  Therefore, from now on, any mail sent to zane@eroticanoir.com will also be forwarded to Endeavors@aol.com  Therefore, you might receive a response from either name.  Thanks!

I would like to thank those of you that have purchased The Sex Chronicles: Shattering the Myth and those of you that have pre-ordered Addicted from Amazon.com.  The Sex Chronicles has gone into another printing and the few copies currently available can be purchased through Amazon and shipped within 24 hours.  Thanks!

If you are in the Washington DC area and are interested in attending the upcoming Erotica Noir Mansion Theme Parties, please email me so I can add your name to the invitation list.  No one and I do mean NO ONE will be admitted to any of the parties unless their name or the name of someone in their group is on the list.  The parties are being held in a private 55,000 square foot home and people won't be allowed to just fall up in there off of the street.  :-)

I am also looking for a few good men.  100 good men to be exact for the Who Wants to Date a Real Black Man event to be held this summer.  What is a Real Black Man?  He is someone that is independent, goal-oriented and looking for Mrs. Right instead of Mrs. Right Now.  He is someone that has reached the stage where the quality of women is more important than the quantity of women.  Once I find these men, my homegurls and I are going to invite some real sistahs in to meet and greet them and lounge around the pool.

Other tentatively scheduled events include The Punanny Poets as featured on HBO Real Sex 24, a Playas Ball, a Black Exploitation Era Party, Candyland, Second Childhood and the mother of all parties, my Sex Chronicles 2000 Masquerade Ball.  Want to know what all these parties entail?  Better get on the list!

Those are all my Erotica Noir announcements but now I have two public service announcements.

1) Please, please, please fill out your census form.  Stand up and be counted so that funding will be distributed fairly over the next decade.  For more information, you can go to http://www.census.gov

2) Please, please, please vote when the time comes. If you are not a registered voter, get registered.  Remember this:

The State of Texas, under the leadership of Governor George W. Bush is ranked:
50th in spending for teachers
49th in spending on the environment
48th in per-capita funding for public health
47th in delivery of social services
42nd in child support collections
41st in per-capita spending on public education
5th in percentage of population living in poverty
1st in air and water pollution
1st in percentage of poor working parents without insurance
1st in percentage of children without health insurance
1st in executions(avg.1 every 2 weeks for Bush's 5 years)

Just think what he could do for the country if he were the president.

Jokes

Revenge
A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband terrified, screamed, " Stop! Stop! You are not going to......to....cut it off are you?*" The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, " Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

VIAGRA COFFEE
A mature woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her man's sex drive. 
"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. 
"Not a chance," says Mrs.. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache." 
"No problem" replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee; he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on." 
A week later, Mrs.. Murphy visits the doctor, and he inquires as to how things went. 
"Oh, it was terrible, just terrible, doctor." 
"What happened?" asks the doctor. 
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off, and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible." 
"What's terrible?" asked the doctor. "Was the sex not good?" 
"Oh no, doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again."

CONDOM SERVICE PACKS
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see." replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package." The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy; "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March........" 

LITTLE MIKEY
One day, little Mikey comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong. Mikey watches, and after a couple of minutes asks, "Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsy ride?" "Of course, Son, we're a family." So Mikey climbs on and after a few more minutes his mother starts moaning and writhing wildly. "Hang on Dad!", cries Mikey, "this is where me and the mailman usually fall off!"

HERMAPHRODITE
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor?
What's wrong???"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman says, "A hermaphrodite.... what's that???"
The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the...er... features...of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a penis...AND a brain?"

TRIPLETS
A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate.
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong" asks the mother "I was having a pee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. 
About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears "Mom, I was having a pee and this bullet came out". 
Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago. A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. "It's okay" says the mom, "I know what happened, you were having a pee and a bullet came out."
"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."

15 MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE IN BED (Disclaimer: I have no idea who wrote this and what type of women he is dealing with so please don't write moi, Zane, with negative feedback.  It wasn't me  :-)
1) BEING PASSIVE
Don't let him undress you and himself. Just help him a lil bit; like making the first step. It won't hurt. One more thing, just `cause we are men it doesn't mean that we must do all the job.
2) WEARING JEANS OR TIGHT PANTS
It takes time to take off these kinda clothes. Every second counts. Remember one thing: the more time you got, the more rounds you got. And the more rounds you got, the more you are satisfied. Be smart.
3) GOING DOWN HALFWAY
Once you start going down, don't stop at the belly button or around it. Keep going or just don't go below the neck at all.
4) CHOCKING HIS CHICKEN TOO HARD
Men feel pain; we are not as tough as you think. No man has a leather dick. You got to be smooth with the dick. Pulling it too hard doesn't make us feel horny. It hurts us even though we don't tell you.
5) LICKING HIS EAR TOO MUCH
It's disgusting having and ear full of saliva. Besides, it's too noisy when you put your tongue in his earhole. It's just the same as a dog licking a bitch ass.
6) MOANING LIKE A RUNNER WHO NEEDS AIR
Better moan with style girl `cause men love to make fun of girls who can't moan like movies stars (i.e. Halle Berry, Whitney Houston). Try not to make too much noise when you exhale.
7) SCRATCHING HIS BACK
We don't need no autographs, girls. It does not feel good at all!!! Depending on the length of the nails, and how deep you dig the nails in our backs, they leave permanent marks. So keep your nails in your pockets, please. If you feel the need to scratch a brotha's back, either grip the hell out of the sheets, or the headboard.
8) LETTING YOUR LONG HAIR FALL ON HIS FACE
Men need air; they breathe. So please be intelligent a little bit. Don't just think about yourself! :-)
9) JUMPING ON HIS HIPS 2 HARD
A man is not a horse, so please take it easy unless you got a big booty that can take care of the landing.
10) SCREAMING TOO LOUD WHEN YOU CUM
What...are you crazy???!! Do you want us to get caught by parents? Or do you just love to see us jumping trough the window butt naked??? STOP THAT SHIT! It feels good to know that we did a good job, but Shhhhhhhh!
11) KEEP YOURSELF CLEAN
Everyone knows that fish smells HORRIBLE. We don't need to be smelling it when you take your drawls off. Please warn us if you haven't freshened up. And nobody wants to suck on no salty dirty titties. Ladies, men aren't the only ones who sweat you know. And we sure don't want you smelling like you work at a fish market, either. Make sure your ass is clean!!! No man wants to eat off of a dirty plate!!!
12) MAKE SURE YOUR FEET ARE IN CHECK
Every man has a certain turn on...everything on a woman must be perfect. That's how we like it and love it. Do not, I repeat...DO NOT get in bed with us with your feet looking like you've been walking barefoot on toxic waste. You know what I'm talking about; nail polish coming off halfway, smelly like hell, uneven toenails, soles are ashy as hell and feeling like sandpaper, etc.!!!! It's hard to perform good foreplay when you have hammer time! Most and worst of all, don't even think about asking us to suck your toes if they look like they've been beaten with a sledgehammer (ugly)!!! And we are not to fond of unpolished toes, either. We like them soft, smooth, pretty, and most of all, tasty looking.
13) GIVING HEAD
Some women have a very bad habit of using their teeth. STOP IT; THAT IS NOT A BANANA!!! It's a hell of a difference between a dick and a banana.
14) AFTER SEX: BROADCASTING
Don't go bragging to your girlfriends that you so called got us "whipped" or "sprung". It's not cool at all, especially when his homies are around. If a man is "sprung" he'll admit it. And even if we are "whipped" or "sprung," don't go around telling everybody about it.
15) KEEP IT REAL
When you're at the point of a breakup in a relationship, don't wait until then to tell us we didn't knock it right. You know damn well we had you climbing walls and walking on air.
----Author Unknown

FEMALE ORGASMS

I am going to get serious about a very serious subject. This month I would like to deal with an issue that is very near and dear to my heart: Cumming or the lack there of.

More so than any other month in the past, I received advice email from several sistahs that are having problems achieving orgasms.  I schooled the brothas a while back on this but it looks like it is time to go back to school.

Orgasms can be tricky.  Men want to hold off on having them, if only for a little while, and women want to get them with a quickness.  In a situation like that, timing is crucial and both parties must remember that reciprocity is everything.

• You're too busy in your head -- thinking about how aroused you are or aren't, what your partner thinks of you, whether s/he can keep the movement going, etc. You think too much, instead of focusing on the sensations of what's going on sexually.
• You may be afraid that you won't orgasm. So you don't even bother trying and end up completely repressing your sexual response.
• You're afraid of seeming demanding by asking too much of your partner (that is, asking to be stimulated the way you like it, and the way you know it works).
• You're afraid that if your partner concentrates on your pleasure only, you'll feel too much pressure to come, leaving you incapacitated sexually.
• You and your partner are trying too hard to have simultaneous orgasms. Given that they're pretty difficult to do, the trying could certainly get in the way.
• You're conflicted about your relationship with your partner. Or you're angry with him/her. Unconsciously then, you hold back your orgasm as a way of protecting yourself.
• You've always thought of sex as something dirty or something that you shouldn't enjoy. The guilt then gets in the way of your true enjoyment of the experience.
• You rush into sex with your partner. You're not leaving yourself enough time to get fully aroused and come to climax. Your orgasm ends up getting pushed aside during sex.

Before we can even really get into why some women can't obtain orgasms, let examine what an orgasm really is.  Enough stimulation of or around a woman's clitoris causes pelvic fullness and body tension to build up. (Some women also respond to stimulation of their G-spot.) Orgasm is the point at which all the tension is suddenly released in a series of involuntary and pleasurable muscular contractions. Women feel the contractions in their vagina, uterus and/or rectum, although some women describe orgasms without any contractions at all.

Women have compared their orgasms to a mild hiccup, a sneeze, or a sigh. They've also been described in terms of ocean waves, and with adjectives such as sensuous, intense, and ecstatic. Of course, each orgasm depends on the particular woman at the particular time. The same woman can experience many different types of climax. For instance, orgasm can feel different with a finger, penis, dildo or vibrator in the vagina, and different when a woman masturbates than when she's having partner sex.

There are many variations of a woman's orgasm, and a wide range of accompanying feelings. What works, what feels good, and what is satisfying for a woman at any given moment is what counts.

Excitement: As a woman becomes aroused, blood starts to accumulate in the pelvic area. Vaginal lubrication begins. (The presence of lubrication does not necessarily mean that a woman is ready for intercourse. And it's certainly no indication of being close to an orgasm! Penetration would be much more pleasurable if other forms of stimulation were continued for awhile longer.)

As sexual stimulation continues, the vagina expands and lengthens. The outer lips, inner lips, clitoris, and sometimes the breasts begin to look swollen or enlarged.

Plateau: During this phase, the vaginal lips become even puffier. The tissues of the walls of the outer third of the vagina swell with blood and the opening to the vagina narrows. The clitoris may appear to be lost somewhere in its hood. Breathing and pulse rate quicken. A "sex flush" may appear on the stomach, breasts, shoulders, neck, or face. The areolas of the nipples may swell. Many of a woman's muscles, like those in the thighs, hips, hands, or buttocks, may tighten.

Just before orgasm, the inner labia (lips) change color (although it's a bit hard to notice when in the throes of passion). For women who've never had children, they turn from pink to bright red. In women who've had children, the color goes from bright red to deep purple or burgundy.

Orgasm: A woman's breathing, pulse rate, and blood pressure continue to rise. The mounting muscular tension and engorgement of blood vessels reaches a peak. Orgasm occurs.

During orgasm, the first third of the vaginal walls contract rhythmically every .8 second for a brief period. (The number and intensity of the contractions vary depending on the individual orgasm.) The muscles of the uterus will also contract. In many women, the contractions are barely noticeable. Sometimes the orgasm comes with a reflex grasping-type muscular response of the hands and feet. Some women feel warmth emanating from their genitals. Since orgasm is most often triggered by clitoral stimulation, the excitement usually stops if the stimulation stops. Any incomplete release can be frustrating. Consistent, continuous stimulation in the particular way each woman wants it is required to bring a woman to orgasm.

Resolution: This is when the genitals return to their normal resting state. This phase can last from a few minutes to a half hour or longer. Swelling recedes, any sex flush will disappear, and there is a general relaxation of muscular tension. The uterus and clitoris return to their usual position. Some women experience soreness in their clitoral area for a few minutes after orgasm.

Since most women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and it's very difficult to get direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse, most women do NOT have orgasms through intercourse alone. Manual or oral stimulation of the clitoris is most usually a prerequisite for climax. (Think about it -- could you imagine a man having an orgasm without directly touching his penis? It's possible, but certainly a rare occurrence!) On the other hand, some women do report orgasm from G-Spot stimulation alone.

The clitoris is more sensitive to sexual stimulation than the vagina because there is much greater density of the nerve endings there. The entire area above, to the sides, and below the clitoris is usually highly sensitive to sexual stimulation. (In fact, some women don't like their clitoris to be touched directly; they prefer stimulation around and to the sides of it.) In fact, the clitoris has no other function than to provide a woman with sexual pleasure.

Women often report that there two positions that work well during intercourse to achieve orgasm. One is the doggie position, where the woman is on all-fours and the man enters her from behind. In this position, either partner can use his or her hand to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse. The other favored position is the woman-on-top, where she can lean forward toward her partner so that her clitoris can rub against his body. Some women do favor missionary and there are ways to make it even more pleasurable for her.

Remember, a substantial amount of stimulation of the genital area is necessary for a woman to orgasm. The exact area and type of stimulation varies from woman to woman. If two women have the same emotional involvement with the same man, his love-making technique might arouse the first woman, but the same approach might do nothing for the second. It's important to communicate with your partner in order to get what you need to reach a climax.

THE G-SPOT-WHERE THE HELL IS IT?
The term "the G-Spot" was given to this region by John Perry and Beverly Whipple (authors of the 1982 book, The G Spot and Other Recent Discoveries About Human Sexuality) in honor of Dr. Ernst Grafenberg, a German medical doctor who, in 1950, wrote an article that spoke of "an erotic zone located on the anterior wall of the vagina along the course of the urethra that would swell during sexual stimulation." 

The G-Spot is even less of a "recent discovery" when you realize that it was actually first described in the medical literature during the 17th century by a Dutch anatomist by the name of De Graaf. He noted that this region of the vagina was composed very similarly to the male prostate and that, in some women, a gushing of fluid from this structure was associated with erotic pleasure. This rushing out of fluid is now commonly referred to as female ejaculation. 

Several studies conducted since that time have revealed the existence of the G-Spot in all women examined. Not all of the women found stimulation of the spot highly pleasurable, but the area could be located nonetheless. 

HERE ARE FIVE TIPS TO HELP YOU AND YOUR PARTNER FIND THE G-SPOT: 
1. Remember to urinate before the start of your exploration. This will help reassure you that if the urge to urinate strikes during exploration, your bladder is actually empty. 
2. The exact location of the G-Spot varies slightly from woman to woman. It is normally found about two inches in from the opening of the vagina, on the anterior wall (toward the stomach). The G-Spot is easily located with the help of a partner while the women is lying on her belly with her hips slightly elevated. When in this position, one's partner should apply light pressure to the vaginal wall with two or three fingertips while pressing down (towards the bed). If a woman chooses to lie on her back, she or her partner can insert a couple of fingers curved upwards and make a "come hither" motion. 
3.Vaginal stimulation may be unpleasant if the vagina is not well lubricated. Production of vaginal lubrication varies dramatically from female to female. Post-menopausal women often experience bouts of vaginal dryness but even younger women may suffer episodes of vaginal dryness, especially if they are taking medications such as antihistamines or antidepressants. If vaginal dryness is a concern, make sure to use a water-based lubricant, such as Astroglide, during your exploration. 
4. Using a diaphragm may interfere with the stimulation of the G-Spot in some women. 
5. If engaging in intercourse, many women find the woman-on-top or the sitting position the best arrangement for providing stimulation to the G-Spot.

For those of you still confused about the location of the G-Spot, see the diagram below.

What is Semen?-FAQ

Semen is the fluid that comes out during ejaculation and contains sperm. Semen is by no means a "waste product" like urine, but it is also not "pure protein." What semen is, is a carrier for the sperm contained in it. Only about one percent of the total volume of semen is actually sperm.

Semen contains aboutonia, ascorbic acid, blood-group antigens, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, choline, citric acid, creatine, deoxyribonucleic acid, fructose, glutathione, hyaluronidase, inositol, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, purine, pyrimidine, pyruvic acid, sodium, sorbitol, spermidine, spermine, urea, uric acid, vitamin B12, and zinc -- but all in very modest quantities. Some of this is designed to nourish the semen in route, while other ingredients are designed to neutralize the acidic environment of the vagina (which would normally be inhospitable to sperm).

In case you are wondering, most of these ingredients are indeed very healthy, and an average ejaculation contains only about 15 calories.

Since we are discussing cumming, I am going into my archives and pulling out one of my oldies but goodies.  Enjoy :-)

Cum For Me Boo
By Zane
AOL Screenname: Endeavors
Copyright©1997
All Rights Reserved

Oh, how I love cum.
I love it in the springtime and the fall.
Oh, how I love cum.
I love it best of all.

First, the facts and, trust me, I know my shit well. Years of research and hands-on experience have schooled this sistah.
Here is the low down:

Semen: A fluid that activates and protects the sperm after it has left the penis during ejaculation.

It takes 116 muscles to cum but only 17 to smile. "Now you are playing with power." A man ejaculates 1 to 2 tablespoons full of semen per ejaculation. Each tablespoon has about 7 calories. The average number of sperm per ejaculation is 100 million, enough to impregnate almost every woman on earth. The average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime - 7,200. The average amount of times from masturbation - 2,000. Over his lifetime, a man's dick will cough up about 14 gallons of cum at an average speed of 28 mph. A dick has about 1/3 an ounce of blood in it when it is soft, about 3 ounces when it is hard. 54% of men masturbate every day, come hell or high water. A dick can take anywhere from 2 minutes to 2 weeks to get hard again after it explodes. A man has an average of 11 erections a day and 9 more when he is sleeping. The tissue which surrounds the testicles and dick is more durable than the tissue which surrounds the brain so, ride the hell out of it ladies cause you can't break it.


Contents of Semen: Ascorbic acid, blood-group antigens, calcium, cholesterol, chotine, citric acid, creatine, DNA, fructose glutathione, hyaluronidase, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, purine, pyrimidine, pyruvic acid, sodium, sorbitol, spermadine, spermine, urea, 
uric acid, vitamin B 12 and Zinc

And they have the nerve to say, "Milk does a body good!"

In case, you haven't figured it out by now, I have a weakness for cum. To be even more specific, a man's cum. I love everything about it, especially the taste. A man can never cum too much for me and I can't understand why any woman would not love to gulp it down. The concept is beyond me.

Sperm is a delicacy, especially when the man eats, drinks and even smells certain things. The smells of pumpkin pie, lavender, licorice and doughnuts increase blood flow to a dick. Alkaline-based foods such as meat and fish produce a buttery or fishy taste while dairy products make a brother taste foul. Asparagus creates the foulest taste of all so, for goodness sake, never let your man eat asparagus. You following me?
Acidic fruits and alcohol make cum taste sweet. Yummy, yummy, yummy, I got cum in my tummy! Chemically processed liquors make cum have an acidy taste and so on and so on. Enough of all that!
Now that you know about my weakness for cum, let me tell you about my "Cum Daddies" as I affectionately call them. I have two of them at present, Brandon and Travis. They are both extremely good lovers but that is not why I am with them. I fuck them both because I just love the way they cum.

Take Brandon, for example. He is a junior in college, a few years too young for me emotionally but hell, I am not trying to walk down the aisle with him or no ridiculous shit like that. That'll never happen. 
I met him in the college bookstore. I am working on my doctorate in the graduate program and was looking for a textbook I needed when I spotted him in the next aisle. He had that look about him. The look an experienced sistah, such as myself, can spot right away. The look telling me he could fuck his ass off. I targeted my mark and as always, I hit the bulls-eye and picked his ass up right then and there. The next night I invited him over to my place and tore his dick the fuck up.

I seduced him with little effort and had him sucking my toes within fifteen minutes after he hit the door. Young brothers are so pussy-controlled. You offer them some coochie, they are going to hit it whether you are 8 to 80, blind, crippled of crazy. Like Run DMC said, "It's like that and that's the way it is."
Brandon is one fine mutha fucka though and if he was a few years older, I might just marry his ass. Nothing wrong with an old ball and chain when it looks as good as him. He is 5'10", 185 lb., medium complexion with light eyes. He has a nice build from working out 4 times a week. More like 7 or 8 times if you include the 3-4 times he works out with me too.

Our first night of sex was interesting, to say the least. I tied him to a dining room chair with his ankles bound and his hands tied behind his back with electrical tape and even covered his mouth with the shit, after taking off my panties and shoving them in his mouth first. Yeah, I am kinky like that. It's not like he couldn't breathe through his nose. So anyway, I rode his dick real good, like a wild horse galloping through the woods until I could tell he was about to detonate, got off his dick and extracted the catalytic fluid from him orally.

Let me tell you, I thought the man was going have a freaking heart attack. When he came, he reminded me of a scene from a movie I had seen once. I can't recall the name but there was this scene where a couple had been bound and gagged by some masked intruders who later cut their throats and watched them bleed to death, shaking and quivering until the end finally came. Not the best simile but that is what Brandon looked like when he came, like a condemned man having a thousand volts galvanized in to his system while strapped in an electric chair. Dayum, that shit turned a sistah on and I came more than he did. And the cum, the cum was nothing short of remarkable. It tasted so dayum savory like I knew it would. When a man eats a balanced diet and works out the way Brandon does, there was no way I could steer wrong with the cum.

That was our first night, our moment of glory. I was satisfied and Brandon was pussy-whipped and it was all good. I untied him, let him get in my bed and rest up some and then woke his ass up with one hell of a blow job cause I was still mad hungry. It has been five months now since we met and I still have him wrapped around my little finger. Like I said, "controlled" by the pussy. They say this is a man's world but all us women know the real deal. Every man from the flats of Compton to the White House is controlled by the pussy. This is a woman's world. They are just squirrels trying to get a nut. Get it?

Now, let me tell you about my other "Cum Daddy", Travis. He is older than myself but I still would never marry him because there is a certain idiocy about him and I don't like his ways. I do, however, have a great appreciation of the way he fucks and nothing but love for the way he cums.

Travis and I encountered each other at an art gallery showing one evening. I was there checking out some abstract paintings by a young, up and coming black artist. He was doing the same. We started a conversation pertaining to one painting which showed the outline of a black couple. The woman was on her knees, as was the man positioned behind her, and he was eating her ass out.

Travis asked my opinion of it and, after looking back and forth between his refined ass and the painting, I told him the scene portrayed in it made me horny. You see, Travis is a fine ass man too and fine ass men who have that 'fuck-you-till-you-beg-for-mercy' air about them simply thrill me.

Travis is not as built as Brandon. He is more slender yet very athletic as well. He is a daily runner who follows a strict vegetarian diet, except for when he eats me of course. He is as dark as they come, originally from the West Indies, 6'2", 180 lb., dark bedroom eyes and a smile which is a bit crooked with a pleasing disposition. 

I asked him back to my place for cocktails and he excepted after buying the 'eating-ass' portrait for me which I have it hanging on the wall over my bed to this very day. We chatted into the wee hours of the morning, exchanging childhood stories and then, bringing things up-to-date.

He was about to leave about 3 AM so he thought but I wasn't even having it. I told him that instead of heading home, he should stay there and suck on some of my pussy instead. His face indicated he was not accustomed to sexually uninhibited women like myself but was dayum sure glad to finally run across one.
I led him to the bedroom and we became engrossed with each other's sexual organs, getting butt naked and caressing all the good parts. I decided to conduct an experiment on his ass. As a rule of thumb, I generally like to get straight to the fucking as soon as possible but I decided to tempt fate that night and draw out the process. 

I told Travis he couldn't stick his dick in me until we played a game. I went into my bathroom and pulled out the basket of flavored oils I keep in my linen closet. I have quite a variety of them bad boys. I proceeded to put a different flavor on various parts of my anatomy and then returned to the bedroom where Travis waited anxiously for my return.

Then I laid out the rules of the game. He had to lick the different parts of my body and guess what flavor I had on each one and, if he got even one wrong, he had to get dressed, carry his sorry ass home and take a cold shower. 

I told him to lick my lips first and he got that one easy. It was lemon. I told him to lick my neck and, after a moment's hesitation, he figured out it was peach. My tits were next. One was sporting raspberry and the other vanilla and he succeeded by naming both. He lingered a bit on the right tit though, giving me the feeling he was a 'breast man.' After three months of fucking him, I know for sure he is a 'breast man' cause he is always reluctant to let my nipples loose once he gets a hold of them. 

Next, came my belly button. He recognized the chocolate taste right off the bat. Then, he had to lick my inner thighs. The left one was strawberry and the right blueberry. The game became quite a struggle there for a minute or two and I was beginning to think I would be faced with the decision of carrying through with my ultimatum by making his ass leave or backing down from it and giving it up anyway. But, Travis pulled it off and got them both.

He only had one last obstacle to cross to get the gold medal, figuring out what flavor was on my pussy. As far as I was concerned, I thought it was too easy but his ass didn't know it after the first few licks. My patience was growing thin! He kept licking and licking and still didn't have a clue so I gave him one.
"What is a nickname for pussy?" His ass still didn't know so I continued, "What word completes this sentence? 'I am gonna bust her (blank)!"

That was when I knew he was an idiot so I told him that it was a fruit and had a stem. He finally figured out it was cherry and the fucking began. The night took a turn for the better then cause Travis fucked my ass royally. He hit it from every direction but, I told him to make sure to tell me when he was about to cum cause I wanted to swallow it all. That turned his ass out and he really started wearing this nana out then.
He was fucking me doggie style when he pulled out and told me he was cumming. I turned around faster than the speed of light and caught that cum like an action hero catching a speeding bullet between his teeth. Once again, I was right on the money cause Travis is the 'King Cum Daddy'. I swear it seemed like a forty shooting down my throat. His cum tasted like cinnamon rolls. I know that sounds ridiculous but it's true just the same.

As far as his cum style, Travis gets tens straight across the board for delivery, expression and creativity. He always comes with such style and grace, like a gazelle prancing through a field of lilies. I am used to men making all kinds of noises and shaking like an earthquake when they come but not Travis. He just lies there, as if in a trance, with glazed eyes and shallow breathing. His body freezes up like an Eskimo stranded on an iceberg without a coat. It is such a turn on when he cums and I can't get enough of it.

Well, now you know all about my two 'cum daddies'. I don't love them but I lust them and that's just as good. Every time they cum for me, I lust after them even more. Cum is scrumptious, nutritional and is great for the complexion. I won't go off track and start spilling more cum facts. Just know this: "Cum does a body good too!"

This concludes the April issue of Zane's Erotica Noir eMonthly

Peace and Much Love,
Zane

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