Zane's Erotica Noir eMonthly
December 1999

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction
The Sex Chronicles
Poetry Books of Interest
Fact of the Month
Jokes of the Month
Sex Positions for Larger People
Men's Sensual Sex Spots
Condom Excuses
Fantasy Survey
Shame On It All

INTRODUCTION

Welcome to the December 1999 issue of Zane's Erotica Noir. If you would like to be added to or removed from my mailing list, please use the icon on the top left side of this web page.  If you have any other questions or comments, please email me at zane@eroticanoir.com. 

First off, let me apologize for the non-existent November issue. To make a long story short, my home computer developed a registry problem followed by a drive space problem and the end result was having to purchase a new computer. While I had three copies of my mailing list, all three were not retrievable until recently and thus, I couldn't send out a newsletter because I didn't have a list. Also, several people have inquired about my web sites. I am in the process of moving my domain to a larger space (100MB which is huge) and to a host that allows nude photography. My old one allowed adult material but no pictures. Anyway, I hope to have http://www.eroticanoir.com/ completely viewable by the beginning of the year. Thanks for your patience.

THE SEX CHRONICLES:

The Sex Chronicles: Shattering the Myth by yours truly is now on presale at Amazon.com. Here is the link if you are interested: The Sex Chronicles: Shattering the Myth. The book will also be available by mail order starting January 1st and will be in stores in the early part of the year. My first novel, Addicted, will be published in February 2000 and I will keep everyone posted. The Sex Chronicles is comprised of 40 erotic short stories and it is divided into three sections: Wild, Wilder and Off Da Damn Hook. Story titles include: The Pussy Bandit, Sex Me Down Village and Sweet Revenge. Trust me when I tell you that it will be the wildest shit you have ever read. :-)

For those of you into poetry, I would like to turn you on to two new exciting books:

"Thoughts" by Tionne (T-Boz) Watkins of TLC and "Love Languages Silently Spoken From The Heart Of A Man" by Ronald Waters. You can check out "Thoughts" on Amazon.com at the following link: Thoughts or pick it up at your local bookstore.

"Love Languages Silently Spoken From The Heart Of A Man" by Ronald Waters can be checked out at Love Languages I received my copy about a month ago and it is all of that!

INTERESTING FACT OF THE MONTH

Did You Know?
In ancient England people could not have sex unless they had the consent of the King. When people wanted to have a baby, they had to get the consent of the King, the King gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F.U.C.K. (Fornication Under Consent of the King) on it. Hence, that's where the word "Fuck" came from. Now, aren't you glad you learned something?

JOKES OF THE MONTH

Thanks to my readers for sending me these hilarious jokes to share with everyone.

There was this couple that was married for 20 years, and every time they had sex the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was stupid. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of doing it, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a dildo. She gets completely upset. "You impotent bastard!" she screams at him, "How could you be lying to me all of these years. You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says, calmly, "I'll explain the dildo if you can explain our three kids."

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands. The girl watches him and says, "You must be a dentist" The guy, surprised, says "Yes ... how did you figure that out?" The girl says, "Easy ... you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they were done, the girl says, "You must be a great dentist." The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Yes, I sure am a great dentist ..How did you figure that out?" The girl says, "Easy ... I didn't feel a thing!"

A BAD DAY ON THE ROAD
A couple are driving along the freeway and the husband, who is driving, is complaining about everything. The heat, the long drive, the bad drivers, the country, etc. . . . and his wife is getting tired of his depressing talk. So she says to him: "One more complaint and I'll cut your penis off with my penknife." About half an hour later, he starts complaining again, and before he could blink his wife pulls out her knife, slices the guy's dick off, and throws it out the window. Driving behind the couple's car is a family of three: husband, wife, and eight year old daughter. The penis lands on their car's windshield, and the father, in an absolute panic (as he doesn't want his daughter to see the penis), quickly turns on the windshield wipers (to get the dick off the windshield, and out of view of his daughter). The observant daughter asks: "Daddy, what was that?" Her father, still in a panic, says, "Oh it was only a. . . . uh . . . butterfly" "Must've been a big butterfly," replied the daughter. "Did you see the size of its dick?"

SEX POSITIONS FOR LARGER PEOPLE

I had a female reader write me a couple of months ago inquiring about sex positions for larger women. Basically, I think that no matter what the size of a person, they should experiment with different positions to see what makes them most comfortable. However, the Society for Human Sexuality has a couple of interesting guides online you might want to check out.
Guide to Sex for Large Couples
Guide to Sexual Positions for Large People

Now that we are talking about positions, let me give a brief overview of some:

Missionary Position
The Missionary has often been thought of as unadventurous and amateurish. Nothing could be farther from the truth! The female lies on her back with her legs spread apart. The male then lowers himself on top of the female with his arms supporting his weight. From this position the male has the freedom to thrust or make circular movements with his thighs. If he lowers himself closer to her and rests some of his weight on top of her body, his pubic bone may be able to provide gentle clitoral stimulation. The female can thrust her middle body towards the man using the support of her legs, or grasp the man from behind controlling somewhat his thrusting movements.

Missionary Position - Lifting Legs
The woman can lift and bend her legs slightly with her feet flat on the mattress. Many women find this position more comfortable than the traditional missionary position. It allows for greater access to the vagina, which means that both partners will enjoy more intense stimulation. This position can be further enhanced if the woman can put her feet on her partner's buttocks. Adding a particularly delightful feel for the female as the male's pubic bone gently rubs against her clitoris.

Missionary Position - Locking Legs
The woman raises her legs higher and locks them around her partner. The higher she can raise her legs, the deeper the penetration because access to the vagina is easier. If she has the flexibility to lock her legs around her partner then she can contribute to his leverage by squeezing him close to her or just hold him with her thighs. Many men find that the feel of their partner's legs around them to be a real turn on. One significant drawback of this position is that some men find it results in hurried orgasms. For this reason we might suggest that you leave this position towards the end of your lovemaking.

Missionary Position - Over the Shoulders
The woman places her legs on her partner's shoulders, on both sides of his head. From this position lovers can attain the deepest possible penetration. Be aware that this position can allow too deep a penetration, causing irritation for the woman. The man should always take his cues from his partner and move slowly. The further back her legs are the deeper the possible penetration.

Missionary Position - Kneeling Male
This is not a position designed for speedy movements or rapid lovemaking, but rather a slow and intimate encounter. The female lies on her back on the bed with the male kneeling and sitting on his ankles between her thighs. From this position he grabs her thighs and brings her to him. Her bottom and lower back are elevated while her ankles or lower legs rest on his shoulders. To add to her comfort you can place a pillow under her lower back and a couple under her head. There can still be some muscle strain experienced by the woman so this position can not be held for a prolonged period. The female can massage her clitoris manually in this position, or her partner can apply pressure with his thumb, since her weight is supported by her partner and the bed. The man can view the penetration easily which for many is an exciting sight. It also allows the man to deliver a sensual massage of his partners stomach, breasts and arms.

Missionary Position - Using your Bed
The female lies on the bed with her legs draped over the edge and her feet resting on the floor. The male then kneels on the floor between her thighs. The success of this position depends heavily on the elevation of the bed, which for some is not quite at the height required. One of the beautiful things about this position is the range of movement possible for both partners. A woman has more control over movement as she can press herself against him to add to the penetration or rotate her hips for interesting stimulation. The male also has an unparalleled amount of leverage and freedom of movement.

Missionary Position - Legs get Together
Most women enjoy the missionary position with legs apart. This is not necessary and many couples prefer positions where the woman can keep her legs closed. Added stimulation and unique sensations are usually what result. When her legs are closed, a womans vagina tightens around her partners penis giving more intense stimulation to both partners. This position also forces the man to enter from a sharper angle towards the clitoris adding more stimulation for the woman. The man in this position may also close his legs, placing all his weight on his partner. Careful here, some women appreciate this feeling, others are burdened by it!

Missionary Position - Tantric Essences
This is an enjoyable and very special position often found in Tantric literature. In this position the woman lies on her back on the bed. Her partner kneels sitting on his ankles close to her buttocks. From here he hoists both of her legs onto one of his shoulders. A little bit of guidance from his partner and you are both in a deliciously unique position. This one is not for those who have problems with flexibility. You will both be surprised at the unique angle of penetration which many women find delightful. The penis massages the side wall of the vagina which does not get the same attention with other positions. If the female wants to try massaging the opposite wall of the vagina then all you must do move her legs to the other shoulder. The movement in this position is mostly up to the male. Some men may find it difficult to thrust with both legs on their shoulders but with time it becomes easier. Allow yourself some time to become accustomed to this position because it is a tricky one to master.

Missionary Position T Position
The female partner lies on her back. The man, laying perpendicular (making a t) straddles the womans leg farthest from him. For example, if the man lays on the left side of the woman, he straddles her right leg. The other leg lays atop the man. This position exposes the clitoris for stimulation, which either partner can do. Slowly rocking back and forth, thrusting the penis gently in and out.

Woman on Top
The male lies on his back while his partner straddles his torso. She controls the rhythm and depth of penetration. He lies flat with movement restricted somewhat by her weight and his lack of leverage. Some women prefer to lay forward so she may kiss her mate, while others choose to sit up straight. Regardless of which you prefer, an interesting idea is to just rock back and forth or in a circular motion while resting on your partners body. There is more clitoral stimulation this way, and it also has the advantage of the feeling of deep penetration, which some women really like. Another great advantage is that this motion is less stimulating for a man, and he can often last longer this way.

Woman On Top - Open and Closed
The man lies on his back with his legs spread apart. She straddles his torso and allows him to enter her normally. She then lies on top of him closing her thighs. Because her thighs are closed, more pressure is placed on the penis which can be pleasurable to both men and women. The sensations are intense and this position will normally bring most men to orgasm quite quickly. Of course he is not the only one being pleased.

Woman On Top - About face
This position requires that the woman sit with her back to him. The male lies on the bed and the female straddles his torso, kneeling on either side of him. From this position she can put her hands on his knees, giving her the leverage to lift off. This position forces the penis into an uncommon angle, which many women find extremely exciting. If she wants to give him additional stimulation during this position she can reach down with one of her hands and massage his balls. Gentle pulling or massaging is often very desirable for men.

Woman On Top - The Ultimate Embrace
This position is not simple sex, its true lovemaking in the complete sense of the word. Begin with the female on top position. The woman should sit up straight and get comfortable. Now, the man sits up with her, holding her in his arms and she holding him. Now the important part: do nothing. Dont move, just look at each other, hold each other or talk lovingly to one another. Kiss for a while, laugh, close your eyes. For the next while, just enjoy the feeling of ultimate closeness and tenderness. Those deeply in love will relish this one the most. Enjoy.

Rear Entry Position
Also known by some as "doggy style" the rear entry position is fairly easy to assume. The woman gets either on her hands and knees or lays stomach first on the bed with her lover behind her. He is on his knees or sometimes his feet, and develops leverage by grasping on to her hips. Depending on preference the man's legs can be inside of the women's legs or outside of them. Couples may wish to have the woman's legs closer together because it creates more friction between the penis and vagina.

In this position a man has a great deal of freedom for thrusting. Her movement is somewhat restricted but this can be easy modified with an ottoman or low bed. The woman can then rest the upper half of her body on a supporting structure. This in turn gives her more freedom to move her hips and pelvis. The rear entry position offers the couple a chance at experiencing new sensations because the angle of entry is different while deep thrusting is made much easier. All these factors contribute to a particularly intense experience if you are with the right partner. Most men find that it is difficult to prolong their orgasm while in this position. The stimulation is often too intense or overwhelming. Consequently the couple may wish to save the rear entry position as a way to end their lovemaking session.

Rear Entry - Forward for Pleasure
While the man lies on his back on the bed, the female approaches him and straddles his hips with her back to him. The true joy comes when she leans forward as far as she can. Some women may want to grab onto their partner's legs and pull themselves down to the bed. In so doing she drastically alters the angle of penetration. Some couples may find that it is uncomfortable until they adjust the angle of her hips a little. Once this adjustment has taken place she will find sensations unlike any other. She can then rock back and forth with his legs for support or he may wish to support her hips with his arms to assist her movement.

Although it is very pleasurable this position provides little clitoral stimulation. Consequently women who enjoy direct clitoral stimulation may not enjoy this position as much as their partner.

Rear Entry - The Chair Revisited

That wonderful recliner can be used for another very satisfying, very relaxing sexual position. This one is particularly great for those men who have limited mobility due to accident or illness. The male just sits comfortably upright in a chair while the woman sits down on his lap as if she was using the chair as well. Her back is pressed to his chest. The onus is on the female to provide all the movement in this position but this movement is extremely easy. With the support of her arms the female can use her legs to move rapidly or slowly.

If a chair is not convenient for you then you may wish to try a similar position on your bed. The male kneels down with his buttocks on his ankles. The female is directly in front of him allowing themselves to be elegantly joined. There is not a great deal of movement available to the couple but this position is very sensual and is recommended for afterplay. When the couple is sitting joined, the male can fondle her breasts or even massage her back. Often it is very satisfying just to sit and hold her with soft music in the background. From this position you both can move in unison and lay down on your sides allowing greater comfort for both partners. Fucking does not have to revolve around thrusting; it can be slow, intimate and tender.

Rear Entry - Face down
The female lies face down on the bed with her legs spread apart. The male then straddles the female's thighs from behind. To enter easily it is useful to place a pillow underneath her abdomen to shift the angle of her hips. Also she can place a pillow beneath her head for added comfort. Most men will find that establishing a rhythm with this position is quite difficult. The problem is that the penis has a tendency to slip out of the vagina forcing the couple to restart their lovemaking. Take your time and start with slow shallow thrusts until you get your rhythm

Rear Entry - Face Up
The male lies on his back on the bed while the woman lays on him with her back pressed against his chest. For the men who can support her weight comfortably this position is a delight. It allows the man easy access to the clitoris which can be massaged during the act. This position is excellent for pregnant couples because it puts no stress on the front part of a womans body. Spicing up this position is quite easy. Massage oils can be applied by the male to the female's breasts, shoulders and stomach. Some oils will heat up when they are applied which can add extra stimulation to the experience. If you are using condoms make sure that no oil comes into contact with the condom that is in use. Other interesting ideas to add to this position may be a vibrator. She can hold a powerful vibrator near her clitoris which vibrates the vagina as well. Both male and female will experience the stimulation.

Rear Entry - Spoons
Both partners face the same direction and lay on their sides, man behind woman. The man may have to slightly angle his body so that entry is more easy. Although thrusting and movement is inhibited in this position, it is very close and intimate and may be a perfect way to begin lovemaking.

If you got a kick out of the Karma Sutra positions I featured in a couple of past newsletters, check out the animated version at http://users.forthnet.gr/ath/nektar/kma/main.htm

Instructions for the Yoni Massage can be found at http://www.tantra.org/yoni.html and instructions for the Lingam Massage can be found at http://www.tantra.org/lingam.html

For movie reviews with a twist, check out http://www.3blackchicks.com/

If you want the opinion of a man on issues facing the world today, check out http://askmrcam.itgo.com/

MEN'S SENSUAL SEX SPOTS:

1. The Divine Line AKA The Happy Trail-the hairline running from his navel to his pubic patch. Press the edge of your hand crosswise under his belly button and then slide it down to the base of his penis or lick the hairline up and down a few times before heading further South.
2. The V-Spot AKA the Frenulum-a small patch of V-shaped skin located near the ridge that runs around most of the head of the penis. It's sensitivity is comparable to that of the clitoris and it can conveniently fit under your thumb. Massage the frenulum lightly at first, then gradually increase your pressure as his excitement mounts. Try holding his penis as though you're about to peel a banana. Then stroke upward on his frenulum gently with both of your thumbs. Rub until he's about to climax, then stop moving when he signals that he is about to cum. Repeat this process a few times and it will drive him nuts. Just don't let him bust one too soon. You can also drag your teeth along the spot but whatever you do, don't bite him there. :-)
3. Balls AKA Cojones AKA Testicles-Hold them together in the palm of your hand and then stroke lightly using your fingertips around the outline of each testicle in the shape of a figure eight. You can also do a figure eight with your tongue but if you really want to turn him on, while you are on top gently pull on his balls to the rhythm of your thrusts.
4. Nipples-Men are capable of enjoying nipple stimulation just as much as women so don't ignore him above the waist. Suck on his nipples or lick the alphabet out on his chest. Also, you can rub a flavored lubricant over his chest, the kind that gets warm when you blow on it and then lick it off. Be creative!
5. The C-Spot-When a man is circumcised, there is a slight bump located just below the head of the coronal ridge where the foreskin was snipped. Scar tissue is often more sensitive than regular skin and tickling and sucking on that particular spot can work wonders.
6. The Seam-the blood-vessel seam on the underside of a man's penis runs from just below his shaft to halfway down the scrotum. Stimulating that strip indirectly massages his urethra which can cause intense pleasure. Run your tongue along the seam a few times and see what happens.

CONDOM EXCUSES

While men have plenty of excuses for not wanting to wear a condom, such as the top ten:

1. 'I don't have any diseases!'
2. 'I can't find one that fits.'
3. 'I have superb control.'
4. 'Sex doesn't feel as good.'
5. 'Condoms cut off my circulation.'
6. 'If you loved me, you wouldn't ask me to.'
7. 'They smell terrible.'
8. 'They spoil the mood.'
9. 'I'm too embarrassed to use one.'
10. 'I've already had and been cured of an STD, I can't catch it again.'

Please, if you are not in a monogamous relationship, please use condoms. If you need information on condoms, you can go to DUREX.com USA I would recommend the Durex High Sensation brand.

FANTASY SURVEY

The December 1999 issue of Glamour has an interesting survey about women's sexual fantasies. I must admit the very first response threw me for a loop but here are their findings:

How many sexual fantasies have you actually fulfilled in real life?
43%-some of them
39%-none of them
18%-most of them
0%-all of them

All I can say to that is DAMN! 39% have NEVER fulfilled a fantasy! Men, you might need to get on the ball. In fact, when was the last time you asked a woman about her fantasies?????? Hint, hint! More than a year ago, I challenged my readers to have their mate write down a list of their fantasies for them and try to make all the reasonable ones come true. How many of you have actually done it?

Which superhero would save you from the evil clutches of sexual starvation?
38%-Batman
33%-Superman
15%-The Incredible Hulk
14%-Wonder Woman
Personally, if Blankman wasn't up in the mix, I don't have a vote. I need me a ghetto superhero. :-)

Which ready-for-sex outfit would you most like to wear in your fantasies?
23%-School Girl
21%-My Birthday Suit
18%-French Maid
17%-Dominatrix
16%-Other
5%-Prostitute

How often do you fantasize about someone other than your partner?
62%-Some of the time
16%-Never
12%-All of the time
10%-Most of the time
Ummm, the 12% who always fantasize about someone else and the 10% who do most of the time might want to evaluate their relationships. Ya think?

Which scenarios do you fantasize about?
51%-Sex with younger/older men
50%-Food play
50%-Sex with several men at once
47%-Bondage
41%-Masturbating with partner
29%-Sex with a woman
27%-Several men and women at once

If you were given the choice of an X-rated fairy tale to star in, which would it be?
33%-Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater
24%-Goldilocks Does the Three Bears
22%-Jack's Beanstalk
17%-Snow White's Seven Sex Dwarves
4%-Humpelstiltskin

Does your fantasy sex life include getting to know a total stranger in the Biblical sense?
66%-Yes
34%-No

SHAME ON IT ALL

This month, instead of including a story from The Sex Chronicles: Shattering the Myth, I am ending the newsletter with Chapter Two of one of my novels, Shame On It All.
The book will be released in the Spring of 2000. Hope you enjoy it!

Shame On It All
By Zane
Copyright©1998
All Rights Reserved

Chapter Two
The Feeling's Mutual

"You stupid bitch! Can't you fucking see?"

I just knew this man was not talking to me. I glanced over at Colette, my gurlfriend who was sitting beside me in the passenger seat, searching for some sort of reassurance the silly mutha fucka didn't mean me. I don't know what it is about the B word but the shit sets me off.

I yelled out the window of my car back at him. "Fuck you! You fucking piece of shit!"

He yelled out, "Deez Nuts!", flipped me the finger, put the pedal to the metal, and then screeched off in his red Mazda RX-7 with the personalized license plate which read, "THE MAN".

I was cursing under my breath while he pulled off from the light, trick ass. "I hate it when people cut me off in traffic and then pretend like it's my fault and shit! Men can't fucking drive anyway! They're only good for one thing!"

Colette laughed and tried to calm me down. "Bryce, don't sweat it girl. Shit happens, ya know?"

That didn't help much. "I know shit happens but still. He pulls out in front of me, when I had the right of way, and then has the audacity to call me a bitch! Fuck him!"

"Now that you mention it, I wouldn't mind." I glared at Colette. She was grinning from ear to ear. "Well damn Bryce, he was fine as all hell. If I met him in a club or something, I would tear his ass up."

"You know what, Colette? You're getting way too old to be thinking with your coochie. You need to start thinking with your mind."

"Damn, what crawled up your ass and died? You're in such a bitchy mood today!"

I left it at that cause I didn't want to have to get medieval on her ass. I turned the radio up. Colette got the hint that I didn't care to discuss it any further. First, the asshole in the other car calls me a bitch and then my own friend calls me bitchy. The day was getting off to a messed up start and I didn't like it. I didn't like it one iota.

Truth is, they were both correct about me being bitchy. George and I had a big quarrel the night before on the phone. He called me from his so-called business trip talking trash and asking me a bunch of questions about what I was doing while he was away. That pissed me off because I read somewhere that over 80% of men, married or not, take condoms with them on business trips just in case they get lucky. On top of that, it is a commonly known fact that men only ask a bunch of questions and throw accusations when their asses are guilty themselves. They figure the woman must also be cheating since they are.

I had been through the scenario too many times before and I knew George was nothing but a playa. I laid awake the night before musing over it and decided it just wasn't worth it. As soon as he returned from his trip, I was calling it off. After all, the only way to get respect is to demand it and accept nothing less.

I almost missed my turn because my mind was wandering. I came to my senses and started concentrating on my driving instead of my shitty ass man. Colette and I were on the way to a Memorial Day cookout at our friend, Lamar's house out in Upper Marlboro, MD. I was more than ready to get there. I was stressed and needed to sit down underneath a shade tree with a brewsky and chill. A small part of me was hoping I might find a decent man there, but I wasn't about to hold my breath. Good men are like good hairdressers. Hard as hell to find.

We made the last turn before getting to his house and could see all the cars parked up and down the street. Colette broke the silence and turned the radio all the way down. "Damn, look at all these peeps. I know I'm going to find me some action up in this piece!"

I rolled my eyes at her, not wanting to divulge the fact I was halfway hoping to find me some action too. I turned the radio back up while I looked for a place to park cause my cut, Beauty by Dru Hill, was on. You ever notice how people turn the radio all the way down or off when they start approaching their destination instead of waiting till they park? It's almost like they're trying to creep up on the place and the radio will somehow give them away. Makes no sense because it's not like people can't hear the car motor and besides, why creep anyway? I think it's just one of those subconscious things people develop a habit of doing.

I was looking for a spot, listening to my cut, and wondering why Colette had turned it down in the first place when I saw it. "Fuck! Ain't this some shit!"

Colette had no idea what I was talking about. "What's wrong, girl? You okay?"

All I could manage to do was point. Colette looked in the direction my finger was pointing and immediately saw the problem. A red RX-7 with a tag saying "THE MAN" was parked in Lamar's driveway. I wanted to scream.

I drove all the way across town for this cookout, thinking I would at least have a halfway decent time, chilling out with friends, playing cards, eating some grilled chicken and corn on the cob, whatever. Why did that trick ass have to be at the same cookout? Shame on it all!

Colette reached over and started patting my shoulder. "Bryce, it's all good. Just ignore his ass. Hell, I'll keep him occupied so he won't bother you."

I jerked my shoulder so her hand would let loose and started parallel parking in the one space left on the whole block, other than in front of the fire hydrant. I wasn't about to get a ticket so I squeezed my car into the cramped space.

Colette was getting on my last nerve but neither she nor "THE MAN" were going to ruin my day. I came to have a good time and that's exactly what I planned to do. Let's face it. There was no point in even going unless I was going to put forth some effort to have fun.

After I successfully maneuvered the car into the space and cut the engine, Colette and I did the female thing, looked in the mirrors and primped. I used the rear view mirror while she looked in the one under the sun visor. We had to make sure our lipstick and eyeliner weren't smudging, there was no lipstick on our teeth and of course, we had to make sure there was not a single strand of hair out of place.

After we both made sure we were looking foine, we got out the car and started walking the half block to Lamar's house. The scent of bbq ribs and chicken was in the breeze and I could hardly wait to sink my teeth into a little sumptin' sumptin'. I skipped breakfast on purpose so I would be good and hungry by the time we got to the cookout.

We could hear people laughing and talking loud as we got closer along with the faint noise of some music playing, probably from a little boom box. We walked past the front door and headed straight for the gate leading to the back yard. I know the feeling when people start tracking through the inside of your house when the party is really outside. So other than going inside to use the restroom, I always stay outdoors.

There is always an exception to the rule. My exception came when I went in the back yard and that trick ass started bothering me. We spotted each other at the same time, both of us had that I'm-gonna-kick-your-fucking-ass expression on our faces. I had him at a disadvantage because I knew he was there already, after seeing his car out front. He was in a state of shock. I was hoping he had a weak heart and would keel the fuck over right then and there.

He was on the opposite side of the yard from the gate, talking to some hoochie with long, fake nails and a weave that looked like one of those you can put on layaway. It figured he would be into women with no class since he had none his damn self. I have a weave, but my shit looks good.

Colette broke my damn concentration. "Bryce, I see Lamar over there. I'm going to go speak and see what the haps are."

"Okay, I'll be around here someplace. I'm about to grab something to drink and find an available chair in the shade."

"Kewl!" With that she switched off, utilizing the walk she spent years perfecting. I really should've gone with her to speak to Lamar since he was the host, but he was on the other side of the lawn near that thing and I wasn't about to go anywhere near him.

I saw a group of guys standing around an oak tree and figured that must be where the beer cooler was located. I was right and asked one of them to hand me a Miller Light. They all started looking me over and not even trying to fake the funk. Men and women are totally different. Women check men out too, everything from their shoes to their fingernails to their dicks, but we do it with style.

I found a nice spot in the shade and plopped down on a comfortable lawn chair. I was sitting there minding my business when "THE MAN" came walking straight towards me.

Before he could even open his mouth, I got in his ass. "Look, I'm really not in the mood for this. We had a near miss car accident, we were both angry, and the shit is over with now. So just take your ass back over there and it's all good."

He laughed at me, the trick. "First of all, I was coming over here to apologize to you and introduce myself, but I can see you're in a foul ass mood."

As mad as I was at him, seeing him up close was not such a bad thing. Colette was right. He was fine as hell. He looked to be about 5'9" and he was cut. He had hazel eyes and a caramel complexion. I was thinking of lowering my guard, allowing him to apologize and all that. Then, I remembered him calling me a bitch and flipping me the finger.

"You're right. I am in a foul ass mood. As far as an introduction, I don't wanna know your ass and you already called me bitch so that's my name. Go back over there and talk to that frog-faced hoe and leave me the fuck alone."

"Okay, BITCH!" he spewed at me.

I was about to get up off the chair and ram my foot up his ass, but he walked away too fast.

We managed to avoid each other until I got in the long line of peeps rushing to fix a plate once the food was ready. I felt someone breathing down my neck, turned around, and his skank ass was in line behind me.

I was starving and all that jazz, but I wasn't about to be anywhere near him. I admit I was acting immature about the whole thing. However, there was something about him that irked the hell out of me.

I told the guy I had been chatting with most of the afternoon, who was standing beside me in line, that I wasn't hungry after all and would catch up to him later.

As I walked away, I turned around and rolled my eyes at the trick. I went inside Lamar's house through his living room patio doors, on my way to the powder room on the first floor. I didn't even have to use it. I just wanted a moment of peace without having so many people around.

George had obviously gotten to me on the phone more than I realized. I felt so stressed, every muscle in my body seemed tense.

I went in the powder room and glared in the mirror. I looked at myself, wondering why I always got all the losers. It isn't like I'm ugly. In fact, far from it. I'm 5'4", 128 lb. with a deep caramel complexion and sepia eyes. I spend a lot of time making myself look nice and hours and hours at the gym keeping my body in shape.

I turned sideways to look at my physique in the mirror. My tits were firm and so was my ass. They both looked succulent in the mocha, skintight spandex dress I was wearing. My hair was straight. I even peeped my toes and they looked good to go.

Still, for the life of me I couldn't figure out why all the maggots of the world gravitated in my direction. After I made sure my makeup was all in place, I opened the bathroom door, planning to return back to the cookout. I figured the food line was probably down to a minimum by then and the asshole should be sitting down somewhere feeding his face.

I was glancing down at my purse, replacing the lipstick, when I bumped right into his trick ass. He'd apparently been waiting to take a leak.

He snarled at me. "Well, excuse you!"

"Let me tell you something! You don't know me but I am not the one and this isn't the day to be fucking with me, aiight?" I started to walk away from him when he grabbed me by the arm and swung me around.

"Listen, I apologize okay? I shouldn't have acted so ugly towards you this morning in the car or after you got here. I'm really not a bad person."

I rolled my eyes. "Can I have my arm back now?"

He let go and extended his hand to me. "I'm Troy."

I took his hand and shook it but still didn't tell him my name.

"Let's try this again. Hello, I'm Troy and you are?"

"Bryce." I managed half of a smile since his eyes were kind of turning me on.

"Nice to meet you, Bryce."

"Same here." I pulled my hand away from him, not even realizing he still had a firm grip on it. "Well, I'm going to go get some food now. Peace."

With that, I walked away. I could feel his eyes boring a hole through my ass until I hit the patio doors and went back outside.

Colette came rushing up to me. "Uh huh, I saw your fresh behind in there talking to him. Spill it, girl!"

"Colette, calm the hell down. He just apologized. That's it." I headed towards the food table, leaving her standing there in all of her hoochiness.

"Yeah, right. Whatever, Bryce."

I finally got my eat on and was sitting under a shade tree talking to Lamar and downing another brewsky when I noticed Troy pointing at me. He was standing in the middle of a group of skeezers and making hand motions, as if he was turning a steering wheel. I couldn't believe his trick ass had apologized, then turned around and starting talking shit about me to other people.

My head started aching something fierce so I asked Lamar, "Baby, do you mind if I go lie down in your basement for a little while? My head is killing me. I think it's just the sun."

"Sure baby! You want some Tylenol?" Lamar was a sweetheart, as always. He and I had almost gotten a little thing going on when we first met, but things never panned out. Just one of those things.

"No thanks. I'll be fine." I got up and started walking towards the house.

"Shit, you're already fine!" I turned around and winked at Lamar. "You can go upstairs and lie down in my bedroom if you like. It's more comfortable."

"Naw Boo, the basement is fine. It's cooler down there and I think it will make my head clear up faster."

"Okay, Boo."

I walked past Troy and his hoochie harem, rolling my eyes at him on my way into the house. I went down in Lamar's basement and noticed he'd gotten a pool table since the last time I'd visited. I have always loved playing pool, ever since my sisters and I used to play in my grandparents basement when we were kids.

I flipped through Lamar's CD, found a collection of slow jams, put it in, and turned it on. After a couple of minutes, I realized I was too excited to lay still and got up. I didn't know why I was excited. Just was. George had been away a few days and dick is like oxygen. You don't miss it till it's gone. I was mad horny.

The pool table seemed to be calling out my name so I went over and racked the balls. Playing pool alone is just as much fun as playing with someone else; at least, to me.

I was seriously out of practice. I had a hard time getting the first three balls in. It was then that I heard the basement door open and close, followed by footsteps coming down the carpeted stairs.

I figured Lamar had decided to come check on me. "Lamar, I'm knocking around a few balls. Hope you don't mind."

"Knocking balls around, huh? Sounds kinky!"

I couldn't freakin' believe it. It wasn't Lamar. It was Troy's trick ass again. "What is your problem? Now you're following me around and shit?"

He laughed. "Don't flatter yourself. I was just coming to see if you're all right and to find out if I'm the reason you came inside."

"Negro, please! Now who's flattering themselves?" I igged his ass and went back to playing pool. "You have some serious issues!"

"Can I play?" He was standing right beside the pool table and peeping my ass while I was bent over, setting up my next move.

"Hell no, you can't play! What you can do is leave!"

"You know what? I thought you and I might be able to work things out at first but I can see now, you're a lost cause." He turned around and headed towards the stairs.

"I don't say this often." I was really pissed off at that point. Pissed off with a wet pussy. "I get along with most people, but I hate your fucking guts!"

He reeled around quickly, walked up to me, pushed his hips up against mine, forced my ass up against the pool table, looked deep into my eyes and snarled, "Yeah? Well the feeling's mutual!"

I reached my hand up to slap his trick ass across the face, but he caught my wrist before impact. I tried to slap him with the other one, but he got a hold of it too. Then........

.........We started tonguing the shit out each other. Don't get me wrong. I did hate his ass at that very moment. I just wanted to fuck him unconscious, too.

We tore into each other like animals. Troy let go of my wrists and I threw my arms around his shoulders, pulling his tongue deeper into my mouth. I have never wanted anyone as bad as I wanted him. Trick ass.

He pushed my dress up over my hips and lifted my ass onto the table while I straddled my legs around his back, using my calves to pull him onto the table with me.

We were both breathing radically heavy as we continued the kiss. He elevated me and sat me further back on the table, darting his eyes back and forth while he pushed all the balls out the way. He grabbed my wrists again and forced my back on the table. The entire time, we never stopped kissing. It was like our tongues were stuck together.

We both shut our eyes and got lost in each other for a few moments, letting all the passion mixed with anger erupt through our tongues.

My legs were still straddled around his back when he finally decided to take a breather. He started ripping at my dress, pulling both spaghetti straps down at the same time so he could get at my nipples.

He starting sucking on my left one, burying his nose completely into my breast. I was moaning loudly, which was unusual for me since I'm normally extremely quiet during lovemaking. It was different with Troy because we weren't making love. We were making hate.

He was holding me down, but the shit wasn't even necessary cause my ass wasn't going anywhere. We heard some footsteps overhead, someone bound for the powder room probably. I broke one of my hands loose so I could start pulling his shorts down from the rear. I wanted some dick and I wanted it bad.

Troy stopped sucking on my breast and helped me get his shorts down and off. He didn't take the time to pull my panties down over my legs. He ripped them suckers clear off. He got down off of the table, leaving me there breathing shallow, walked around to the other side, and started sucking my breasts upside down while he climbed on top of me.

He grabbed both of them, squeezed hard, and pushed them upward towards his face. He released them and moved his head further south, biting all over my stomach on his way down to my pussy. His body began to overshadow mine until his dick knocked me slap in the forehead.

I grabbed a hold of it like a leech and started deep throating that bad boy. He spread my legs open and began sucking on my clit, digging his whole face in. I lifted my hips up off of the table, grinding my pussy onto his face while he pumped his dick in and out my mouth.

He paused just long enough to make a lewd comment. "That's right. Knock them balls around."

I pushed his dick out of my mouth and reconfirmed what I'd said earlier. "I fucking hate you!"

He laughed. "The feeling's mutual!" Then, he started sucking on my pussy again.

I decided to fix his ass and tried to suck his dick the hell off. I thought he would scream out in pain but he loved the shit. So, I bit him. He retaliated and bit me.

I pushed his ass off of me and came up swinging. He pinned my arms down and hollered, "Chill! DAYUM!"

I wasn't taking any more of his shit. I started kicking and hitting him with all the strength I could muster. He finally managed to get control of the situation again. I submitted to him, but only because he had rammed his dick inside me and it was all that.

He wasn't hung like a bear but his dick was thick, just like I like them. I favor dicks that won't knock the bottom out the well but will rub the hell out the walls. He tore my little coochie coo up.

Troy pushed my legs up as far as they would go and I wrapped my ankles around his neck. He started pounding his dick in and out of my pussy walls. I came the first time about two minutes into the act.

I was kind of repentant, fucking a virtual stranger in a friend's basement and all, but not disgraced enough to stop. He pulled his dick out and whispered in my ear, "Turn my pussy over so I can hit it from the back."

I obediently turned over and got on my knees. He started catapulting his dick in. "Your pussy? Fuck you, Troy. You trick ass!"

He laughed again. I hated it when he laughed. "Yeah, fuck me! Fuck me like you hate me!" Then as an afterthought, he added, "Oh, that's right! You do hate me!"

He snatched my hair, compelling me to arch my back and bring my pussy father back onto his dick. I could feel his balls slamming up against my thighs. My pussy juice was dripping down on the felt cover of the pool table.

We fucked for a good hour. I had never seen a man who took so long to bust a nut before. I think some extra blood must have dashed to his dick cause he was so full of anger.

Finally, and I do mean finally, he detonated inside me like a nuclear bomb. By the time he came, my pussy was inflamed and my knees were stinging from being in the doggy position for so long. We fucked for so long, the CD I put on was finished playing and the changer had switched over to the next one.

Lamar opened the basement door and shouted down the steps. "You okay down there, Bryce?"

After catching my breath, I hollered back, "I'm fine, thanks! I'll be up in a minute!"

We heard the door shut and Lamar's footsteps as he walked away. Lamar was no fool. He knew the deal.

I regained my self-control, got my clothes adjusted, scooped my torn panties up of the floor, and shoved them in my pocket book. I didn't say another word to Troy. I left his ass lying there, half-naked on the pool table.

When I got back outside, I grabbed Colette by the arm and told her it was time to go. She didn't put up a fight. We told everyone good-bye and left. She tried to grill me in the car about what happened in the basement. I cranked up the radio and refused to comment.

This concludes the December 1999 issue of Zane's Erotica Noir. Everyone please have a safe and joyous holiday, remember to keep those less fortunate in your thoughts, efforts and prayers and please do not drink and drive. Merry Christmas, Happy Millennium and see you in the New Year.

Peace and Much Love,
Zane

Return to main page of Zane's Erotica Noir

Copyright © 1999, Zane's Eroticanoir.com